Thursday, July 10, 2014

visiting family


VISITING FAMILY

Ah, the eternal burning question of how to dissuade a bunch of no good no account worthless oxygen wasting waste of sperm poster boy for retrograde abortion asswhore bastards called family from showing up at the door two hours after the Apocalypse with fat spouses and nose dripping snot flinging butt picking loud curtain climbing spawn and a flea bitten mangy cur of a dog.  Between them they have one case of Top Ramen, three cans of Alpo and their cold weather gear consists of various ghetto hoody cotton sweaters rated down to a frigid 63 degrees.  Now, I’m not going to pretend to know how to actually stop them from showing up, unless you have a long steep driveway that you can gate shut and half the group will suffer heart attacks trying to climb the hill and the other half will collapse from exhaustion a hundred yards in and flop down in a puddle of genetically modified corn syrup fed pasty oozing flesh and die from exposure the first frost.  That is still going to be a discussion for another day because I am still flummoxed by the question.  Just because you tell them not to show up doesn’t mean they will listen to you.  Just because you warn them not to waste the trip unless they can bring supplies doesn’t mean they will have much more than a single bag of white rice as their contribution.  No, today we will just discuss how to turn these vicious vile tits on a bull lard asses into productive contributors to your group once they have barged in and you can’t shoot them ( not being able to shoot family is NOT a sign of weakness.  You have merely acknowledged the coming primacy of tribe and clan and family over other artificial groupings-for good and bad ).

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After about age five, your basic mental grid has been set ( puberty also fine tunes this, but basically what you get at five is it ).  Of course, with all the bad parents out there, and all the bad people in your life, it is nice to know that you can recondition yourself and fine tune your programming better suited for survival.  Unfortunately, the only way to reprogram the computer is through trauma.  Basic training in the military uses sensory overload and sleep deprivation to do this.  You don’t have eight weeks.  You’ll have to take a short cut.  You are going to have to beat the crap out of the husband/boyfriend.  If he is bigger than you, ambush him.  Then, when he is in bed recovering, ambush him again.  I’ll bet when you show up the third time, waking him up from a very fitful sleep, he will show the new permanent fear needed to respect you and your wishes ( you can also do the group “sock party” where the gang wakes up the victim and some hold him down and others pummel him with soap bar filled socks. It does wonders for changing uncooperative attitudes ).  Then, he is to be held accountable for the ladies and kids of his group’s behavior.  Obviously there are some problems with this plan.  Such as, what if only your daughter and her kids show up.  I imagine if one of the kids is a teenager male, you just wail on him to get group obedience.  If it is just an adult female and small kids, that would require another approach.  The threat of violence moves and molds all of us.  It is just subtle.  You will have to bring it out in the open again.

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14 comments:

  1. I was going to mention that your living situation at the Bison Ranch is probably enough in itself to dissuade most from showing up, but that probably isn't going to be true after a few days on an empty stomach?

    "Obviously there are some problems with this plan"

    One of which would be that the dude goes all "Full Metal Jacket" on you like the fat dude did to the drill Sargent :shock:

    So an attempt at a mental evaluation beforehand might be in order?

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    1. They are all worthless and weak and girly-men. Every one would fail an eval

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  2. While entertaining, this was actually a very informative post.

    Idaho Homesteader

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  3. A little sign saying : " Dictatorship in force. Corporal punishment for all rule violators. Staying on these premises or within reach of patrols, is implied consent to obey."
    Simple, and mostly legally binding. Make certain you don't break anything or beat them so bad they cant work for more than a day (allow also lesser penalties of limited/no food, etc)

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    1. Well, I hear those sock parties can get brutal. Its a dice roll

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  4. Easy, none of em besides the one step daughter knows where we live and none of em know where the super secret compound is

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    1. That sounds a lot simpler than my elaborate world domination plans

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    2. Opsec my friend, hell the whole world knows where your hole is lol

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    3. Is it too late to change my location to "an unnamed western state"?

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    4. You could always use your other Nevada prop, as I keep suggesting. When you no longer need to ride to work; it will be harder for the Elkonians (hey, I like that - what do they call themselves?) to get to you.

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    5. I'm still thinking on going hermit. Just not sure how to go about getting wages. I could bike in once a week to a part time, if I want to live on $200 a month. It is tempting to a degree, other than the digging a pit all over again. I do worry. On the other hand, I'm not sure how much I give a crap one way or another.

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  5. The rest of the Grey family is 2 states away, and knows our living situation does not allow for any of their vices or drama. The only one who knows we have even a months food is welcome should the vice and drama be given up - (and he already mostly has). None of them have ever visited us in our new location the most they have to go on is a general idea of the area and the name of the town 10 miles away (an our complaints about the local environment and difficulties - significantly over emphasized)

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    1. The stepdaughter knew how primitive we lived and still showed up to suck off us for a half year before moving on. Your situation sounds good- just don't think the primitive part is keeping them away.

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    2. Not certain. I have told them I have the shovels bags and instruction books to make the necessary earthbag shelter should they move this way. Come October or after they will likely be foreclosed on, I guess we will see then where they head to. It might be nice to have a pair of eyes on the property while we start improving it...

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