BEACH CRUISER DIET 6
Over the years, the retail bike scene has come to resemble the personal sidearm market. More, more, MORE. Bigger and larger ammunition clips and more and more gears on a bike. In the case of pistols, the extra ammunition is mainly just used as an excuse for suppressive fire ( you can use revolver rounds as suppressive fire, but it probably isn’t the smartest idea ) and in the case of bikes, the extra gears are mainly so the poor dears engaged in riding the thing don’t have to work any harder than necessary. If you are poor, starving, and live amongst hills, I can understand wanting to save calories by riding a geared bike. If you are using the bike to lose calories and stay toned and get all of the opposite sex salivating over you and throwing themselves at your feet begging to be allowed to have your offspring, a single gear bike that forces you to work a bit harder and increase muscle use-not to mention getting that lard laden heart working out ( it goes without saying that if you are a basket case health wise, consult a doctor before trying this diet program, sex, or tying your shoes by yourself )- is a good thing. Right? Plus, two very important considerations for owning a bike are hands free braking and ease of maintenance.
When you start biking early mornings or other times all the monkey molesting asswhores of the world aren’t in the yard to keep their unleashed dog in check, you will be attacked by the vile bastards. The dogs, not the owners- although I have a hard time distinguishing the two. Man’s Best Friend? The hell you say. Dogs are overly needy, dumb as rocks, ass munching wastes of food. If you are riding, and see a dog, just assume they will attack you. You might be wrong 95% of the time, but that 5% will make you very happy you were vigilant, prepared and paranoid. I’ve encountered enough of them over the years. Six miles each way, twice a day, five times a week for six years. Closing in on twenty thousand miles. I’ve been seriously bitten six times. Have as high of a thick leather boot as possible. And carry a can of wasp spray. “Raid” brand is much better than others. I know, right? I’m as surprised as you that a name brand exists that is still quality. It costs two or three times as much, but the other ones lose spraying distance ( fans out rather than shoots a stream ) after the first shot. The spray won’t “take down” a dog, but they stop attacking and in the future respect the sight of the can. I carry mine on an attached water bottle holder. The thing about not needing to stop with hand brakes is you can grab and use the spray. Which is why I heartily endorse coaster brakes that single speeds have ( often referred to as ‘beach cruisers’ ). And they are much easier to work on yourself. More about that in its own section.
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