Wednesday, August 20, 2014

beach cruiser diet 4


No Car Allowed

Some of us can maintain very strict discipline.  Usually they are in the Jarhead Corp.  Most of the rest of us have a more relaxed definition of discipline.  Now, you can super swear pinkie promise yourself that by all the gods and on the very life of your first born you shall never ever deviate from the course you set, so help me, but we all know that this is just plain bullcrap.  Most of us suck and will give in to temptation.  The key is not to join the Marines or to allow the very life to drain from your soul and become a black hole for all the surrounding fun people.  The key is to remove temptation.  Now, taking all the cherry pies from your freezer and donating the limp frosted concoctions to the Food Bank is not exactly an answer.  You’ll just hop into your handy Soccer Mom Mobile and scoot on down to the store and buy more.  That is like being a shopping junkie and cutting up all but one of the credit cards.  Which you WILL use.  Far better to cut ALL of them up, then scorch earth your credit rating so that only a check cashing place would ever lend you money again.  Even shopaholics might at least pause and consider the cost of something that has 397% interest a year.  And so, how do you remove temptation when you are a fat hog, wallowing in fake food and easy living?


You get rid of the easy living.  Look, fat folks aren’t like they used to be.  Before, baring a glandular issue, you had to work at being fat.  Now, with industrial factory farming and growth hormones and denuded soil and fake vitamins and genetically modified foods, a heck of a lot of us are fat through no fault of our own.  That sucks.  But modifying food intake doesn’t work.  One, you are still eating a lot of poison and two, with most food being calorie rich and nutrient poor, the food you do eat isn’t working at giving your body what it needs.  It will just crave more and retain every single calorie.  It sucks you have to work at not being fat, mostly it isn’t even your fault.  But life blows diseased rabid monkey testicles sometimes.  As partial compensation, you can save a lot of money!  I know most of you are wedded like hillbilly first cousins to your motor vehicles.  Your choice- be overweight with a pimpin ride, or be carless and have a nicer body that won’t quite on you as soon.  I’m not going to try to talk you into it, or have a hen peck and allow your compromises to sway me.  You compromise ( I’ll only go to the grocers in the car-promise! ) and there is little reason to even try.  Because you will give in to temptation and screw it all up.  That is human nature.  You can’t fight it.  I understand for some this just isn’t feasible.  Like, if it is just plain dangerous to ride a bike, or your work is 50 miles away.  Of course, if that is the case, you’ll eventually lose your job anyway, when gas becomes too dear and your hours are cut so your boss can avoid health care costs.  After that, I guess you’ll have no choice in biking and getting rid of your car.

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  1. Lord Bison,
    A check went in the mail for the Spud Fund today. I wrote it to you.
    Nice hair.

  2. Even just reducing the usage of the car- (never use it while the sun shines, or while the errand is in town for example) can net you huge savings- insurance rates reduce, fuel costs reduce hugely, and upkeep reduces as well. Once you find ways of nearly eliminating the car it is just a little step further to completely eliminating it or parking it storage across town, and just getting a moving permit for it when you go for your annual out of town trip.
    Start the process by living within 10 miles of your work, and biking to work EVERY DAY- if the weather is too bad to bike, then have your snow shoes or skis ready to go- if those aren't needed you can still bike there.