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Friday, August 8, 2014

collapse ho


COLLAPSE HO

Not a collapse prostitute, but ho as in land ho, in sight.  Well, obviously the collapse has been in the rearview mirror for a bit but everyone keeps angling the mirror towards the top of the car so they can’t see anything, kind of like you do when a big bastard of a semi- truck is riding your ass like a $20 Tijuana prostitute ( speaking of ho’s ) at night and you can’t see a damn thing from the glare, hoping that this is just a replay of the 87 near miss, the Tech Wreck saved by the housing bubble, the Great Depression saved by placing the US economy on a wartime footing forever after, the Savings And Loan fiasco that never amounted to much or any other bankster orchestrated event that by definition has a crappy ending for everyone but at least not a Mad Max ending where you are down to your last bullet so you need to start using your back-up zombie crushing rebar spear.  What a beautiful thing, all those previous collapse scares.  Enrich our economic masters AND inoculate the public to any more panic.  The whole time we are mocking the commentators, Boy Who Cried Wolf, you suck, mama dresses you funny, hahaha.  So now almost no one wants to scream This Is It, Puny Earthlings, Prepare To Meet Your Doom.  Hey, it never worked out for Marvin The Martian because Bugs always thwarted him, but he kept trying. 

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Something could come along to kick the can down the road, but I doubt it.  And I don’t care about being wrong.  You panic every time, light a fire under your own ass to ratchet up your preps, and even after ten false starts, when the sucker does blow you are golden.  Well, no guarantees.  You could be well stocked and still die by random accident or perverted fates the first day.  But at least you’ve given yourself a chance to unscrew the top off your bottle of adult beverage, raise a glass to the multiples of dumbasses, and toast to their demise.  It is the journey that is more important anyway.  I would start any extra preps you desire by cutting things down to the bone.  Screw your night vision, hump that luxury sniper battle rifle, and stick that radiation meter up your rectum.  All that is frosting on a cake of middle class ambitions.  Needs get real simple real fast after the last shipment of toys from China stops.  You need food, water, shelter and protection.  And you need it yesterday.  Shelter is easily improvised- at the most lay in some heavy duty plastic sheeting.  Protection is as simple as a $125 shotgun or a $300 hunting rifle-and both use two-bits a round ammo.  For food, stockpile more grains than you think you need ( small game trapping and wild weed picking will supplement-grains are for calories ).  Water is as simple as a $60 Katadyn filter element ( screw Berky brands.  800 gallons for them verses 10k for Katadyn at the same price ).  There is even that new $20 water straw deal that claims to get even more gallons filtered, but I haven’t heard any more details.  Get basic.  In the near future all the retirement funds, checking accounts, federal government promises and phantom job opportunities won’t be worth one turd you’ve created from forty cents a pound worth of wheat.

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6 comments:

  1. while I understand your love of wheat gruel,you never mention storing the other needed ingredients needed to make a meal a bit less disgusting,such as sugar,baking powder,baking soda,eggs,canned butter...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Might be an article if I'm desperate. I guess I figure what you know to put in your daily cupboard you'd put in storage also.

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  2. Just out of curiosity,how large is the Bison temple of doom? Could you grow a garden if you had real dirt?

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    Replies
    1. The water is more an issue than the dirt-I need an initial infusion once, but water is every day on this one acre of dead dried clay ( actually a succulent crop of weeds this year- I had to sickle three times rather than once ).

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  3. Weeds are just plants you haven't figured out how to use/eat yet.

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