daily ad

Sunday, August 24, 2014

beach cruiser diet 6


BEACH CRUISER DIET 6

WHICH BIKE

Over the years, the retail bike scene has come to resemble the personal sidearm market.  More, more, MORE.  Bigger and larger ammunition clips and more and more gears on a bike.  In the case of pistols, the extra ammunition is mainly just used as an excuse for suppressive fire ( you can use revolver rounds as suppressive fire, but it probably isn’t the smartest idea ) and in the case of bikes, the extra gears are mainly so the poor dears engaged in riding the thing don’t have to work any harder than necessary.  If you are poor, starving, and live amongst hills, I can understand wanting to save calories by riding a geared bike.  If you are using the bike to lose calories and stay toned and get all of the opposite sex salivating over you and throwing themselves at your feet begging to be allowed to have your offspring, a single gear bike that forces you to work a bit harder and increase muscle use-not to mention getting that lard laden heart working out ( it goes without saying that if you are a basket case health wise, consult a doctor before trying this diet program, sex, or tying your shoes by yourself )- is a good thing.  Right?  Plus, two very important considerations for owning a bike are hands free braking and ease of maintenance.

*

When you start biking early mornings or other times all the monkey molesting asswhores of the world aren’t in the yard to keep their unleashed dog in check, you will be attacked by the vile bastards.  The dogs, not the owners- although I have a hard time distinguishing the two.  Man’s Best Friend?  The hell you say.  Dogs are overly needy, dumb as rocks, ass munching wastes of food.  If you are riding, and see a dog, just assume they will attack you.  You might be wrong 95% of the time, but that 5% will make you very happy you were vigilant, prepared and paranoid.  I’ve encountered enough of them over the years.  Six miles each way, twice a day, five times a week for six years.  Closing in on twenty thousand miles.  I’ve been seriously bitten six times.  Have as high of a thick leather boot as possible.  And carry a can of wasp spray.  “Raid” brand is much better than others.  I know, right?  I’m as surprised as you that a name brand exists that is still quality.  It costs two or three times as much, but the other ones lose spraying distance ( fans out rather than shoots a stream ) after the first shot.  The spray won’t “take down” a dog, but they stop attacking and in the future respect the sight of the can.  I carry mine on an attached water bottle holder.  The thing about not needing to stop with hand brakes is you can grab and use the spray.  Which is why I heartily endorse coaster brakes that single speeds have ( often referred to as ‘beach cruisers’ ).  And they are much easier to work on yourself.  More about that in its own section.

END
Please support Bison by buying through the Amazon ad graphics at the top of the page. You can purchase anything, not just the linked item. Enter Amazon through my item link and then go to whatever other item you desire. As long as you don’t leave Amazon until after the order is placed, I get credit for your purchase.  For those that can’t get the ads because they are blocked by your software, just PayPal me occasionally or buy me something from my Amazon Wish List once a year.
*
All My Contact Info, Books For Sale, Links:
 
 

 

 

 

18 comments:

  1. I too encourage single of small number of gears - I find with my multi gear bike I have choosen to change the gear only a handful of times in YEARS of use. the gears are really a waste of change and an extra complication.
    Now as far as the brakes go I actually think the hand lever style brakes are easier to work on than the pedal type- they are just a simple lever and cable after all, and if you have them on both front and back wheels you and keep them tuned, you can stop nearly as well one handed as two. Of course no reason not to have pedal AND hand brakes - hand brakes can be added after market.
    If you are such a lardy or have so far to go that you cant make it on your own muscle power you can get an electric motor 'booster' that you can convert in (and once it dies, back out) to your bike for help up those hills or last mile or two. I am happy I got mine even though I have usually left it off since I now live so close to, well almost everything I need, in this small town. It was useful when I was just getting into the daily bike commute over much farther distances and steeper inclines than I now have to face. The cost is about $250 -400 Quite a bit of $ but they can be resold once you loose the lard or relocate or kept as a backup assistant incase of injury..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True, you could just use the back brake to free the other hand. BUT WAIT! If you order now, the next installment makes a further case for gearless.

      Delete
  2. My Dad drove a oil delivery truck for years so he had much experience with dogs attacking him. His favorite deterrence weapon was ammonia in a cheap squirt gun. That was back in the sixties and early seventies so they probably had better made squirt weapons than the china crap around now. He said once they got a taste of the ammonia in the face that was one dog he never had to worry about again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm. Super Soaker filled with ammonia. Only prob is freezing. Do they carry a higher %, less water type?

      Delete
    2. Don't know, its not that cold here 95% of the year. Might want to be careful with the ammonia anyway. Maybe one of your readers with book smarts knows if you can mix a little RV anti-freeze with it without making mustard gas or some such poison. Still could be cheaper than bug spray.

      Delete
    3. I need something like a mechanical pump, 12v battery and a ten gallon tank to deliver a fire hose volume. Force that crap down their throat, then stop, get off the bike, kick the crap out of the dog, get back on, run over the dogs head a couple of times, repeat, put rope around the dogs head, drag twitching carcass from bike up to house, douse with charcoal fluid, set on fire, ring doorbell, hose down occupant with ammonia, kick the crap out of them, run over their testicles or ovaries, repeat, get a rope...

      Delete
    4. You were bitten as a child weren't you? Your hate of dogs has shown up in your writings many times before.

      Delete
    5. The hatred is recent. As society becomes less civil, takes less responsibility, dogs are a reflection of their owners. I don't hat all dogs, just those that want to eat me ( and not in a good way ). The neighbor has a Rott that is all bark and no bite and we get along fine- she wants love, she just needs to do her alarm job first.

      Delete
    6. That rotty sounds a lot like our pup- lots of bark no bite just happiness to get any attention from people. perfect as an alarm and child entertainment, useless otherwise.
      But we keep her with us or on leash all the time. A distant neighbors dogs have claimed a big piece of road as there territory *at least 10 city blocks worth* and they are never chained. I know for a fact one dog can be a sweetheart but two unsupervised ones make a pack- much like a mob, dumber and more vicious than any single member.

      Delete
  3. Your thoughts on bikes are entirely valid; I think suggestions on brands might be helpful. What you are riding now, upgrades for cheaper bikes (which you have commented on before) and other details (like Vlad's airless tires comments) would be helpful and easier than looking back through alot of your older stuff to find.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll ponder an article. No guarantees- I might be a bit burned out on the subject after this booklet

      Delete
    2. Airless tires are only available for a limited sizes of tires. Explore this before you buy the bike.

      Delete
  4. Thanks for the tip on the Raid James. I've noticed that the quality of the wasp sprays has deteriorated over the years, and most at best put out far less than the advertised 20' stream. As a result, I've almost had the hell stung out of me on a few occasions, when attempting to take out the little winged bastards, only to have a rather anemic stream spew forth.

    A few ideas with regards to the dreaded curs. I have heard that Ammonia and a spray bottle work well. I'm thinking that one of those battery powered squirt guns would be better though. You can also try a mixture of water and capsicum. Did you ever look into those ultrasonic mogrel repellers that I mentioned a while back? In my own personal experience, they actually work.

    Wayne

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I REMEMBER OUR CONVERSATION, AND REMEMBER RESEARCHING A BIT. I CAN'T REMEMBER WHY ( sorry about cap lock ) it wasn't going to work for me.

      Delete
    2. It won't work for you because it only causes them discomfort; you insist on blinding and causing actual pain.

      Delete
    3. I wish the wasp spray was far more painful- it just causes a bit of shortness of breath

      Delete
  5. James,

    I tend to agree with your comments on bikes being single gear no muss affairs. There is a reason why bike messengers in urban areas gravitated to single speed track bikes with NO BRAKES years ago. There is only one thing to break. Your chain.
    I've been personally riding this way for years. My neanderthal ass can't comprehend gear ratios or the vagaries of derailleurs. Steep hill. Peddle harder. Prior to having a track bike I used to ride a circa 50's Schwinn cruiser. Everywhere. That thing was a tank. One compromise as far as gearing goes is the old British Postman style bike. Raleigh made scads of them from the 40-s through the 70's. They did have a 3 speed Sturmey-Archer hub that was bullet proof and would occasionally need oiled. Braking was via hand brake. I do remember some have a combo of front hand brakes and a rear coaster.
    Either way Mr Dakin speaks the truth in regard to the velo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No brakes? In an urban environment? Are they insane? Remember that silly bike messenger movie with K Bacon? Soaring off hills without damaging wheels.

      Delete

I must moderate-trust me. You don't want to see what happens otherwise. Sometimes it takes awhile to respond as I only check two or three times a day. No N-Bombs, nothing to get me libeled. Otherwise, have at it. If you criticize me, make sure to praise my hair first.