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Thursday, August 21, 2014

logo gringos 8.6



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Note-a guest article was posted just before this one.  Check it out.
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LOGO GRINGOS 8.6
“I’m clear over here, Randy.”
“Roger wilco and shit over here Supreme Commando Fuhrer.  I am clear four by four and my six is a-okay.  That damn cat almost got me squirting my shorts, but other than turning my hair grey and my shorts brown, I really enjoyed our little excursion into Team Urban Strikeforce Delta.  And I don’t know about you, oberstfuhrer, but my side has exactly no fucking sacks of grain whatsoever so this looks like a big ass bust, and not the good kind.”
“Oberstfuhrer?”
“Supreme Leader.”
“I thought that was Captain or Major, maybe a butterbar.”
“Hell, what do I know.  My Spanish consists of different genders of whores and tasty lunch entrees.  My German mostly comes from movies.  I mean, sure, English is mostly a Germanic derived language so a lot of the words are pretty intuitive but they kind of have a tendency to group twenty three word sentences into one word that is half a page long so I can’t remember the damn thing by the time I get done actually pronouncing it, so it really is all their fault I’m not speaking it fluently.”
“Whose fault is it you can’t speak better Spanish?”
“The bitches.  The ones that will go out with me are so Americanized they forgot more of the vocabulary than me.  You know, like they are third generation or so.  Plus, the shit is all backwards.  To The Home, I Go.  Who talks like that?”
“The rest of the world.”
“Fuck em.  You see anything that is actually edible here?  We can’t eat hamster food treated with veterinarian medicine that cures rectal cancer or rickets.”
“I’m not going to look at you sternly and ask in all innocence, ‘rickets’, and then you go off on a tangent about vitamin deficiencies in small pet rodents.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll impart my boundless wisdom on you in another manner.”
“And it will be with my profound gratitude.  Well, it kind of looks like either, one, these fools were out of feed completely and were paying the rent selling cowgirl frilly shirts, which I doubt because this is a corporate chain and they shouldn’t have issues like getting credit for inventory, or an inside job cleared out the shelves first thing after this crap started.  Which is kind of hard to believe since there isn’t a working truck to transport, and you would think the manager would have done nothing without approval which would be hard to do without communication.”
“Someone else had to have gotten here and ripped it off.  Someone else had the same idea as we did.”
“Perhaps during the night?  The employees just think it’s a regular blackout and pay it no mind as far as extra security?  Either way, we get diddley.  Okay, Plan B and we move on to see about other sources.”

“MmmmTay.  Off again to try our rapidly diminishing luck.  Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to loot and salvage we go!”
END

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7 comments:

  1. The last line is perfect!
    "hi ho, it’s off to loot and salvage we go!”
    Of course it begs the question, what is the difference between LOOT and Salvage? (and some salvaging IS legal, as per international law so the difference might be important, since Rule Of Law is always the first thing to return after things go Abby Normal.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Knowing Randy, he will overanalyze it seven ways to Sunday, then just say "screw it" and do what he wants.

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    2. I always do what I want first, and then figure out how to analyze it favorably afterward! Tis always easier backward than forward, unless you screwed it up and it kills you....

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    3. Kind of sounds smarter than the other way around

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  2. Can't we all just get along??

    I will help your wife with the house shores while you're at work, entertain her & entertrain her. She'll will give you plenty of satisfaction and caress your wonderful looking hair. That's why its important to:
    Get along....

    Rodney K.

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  3. Grey, love the Abby Normal reference. Brings back memories Wonder if our younger minions know it.

    Lord James, enjoying "The Adventures of Randy". Keep em coming.

    ReplyDelete

I must moderate-trust me. You don't want to see what happens otherwise. Sometimes it takes awhile to respond as I only check two or three times a day. No N-Bombs, nothing to get me libeled. Otherwise, have at it. If you criticize me, make sure to praise my hair first.