cheesecloth

CHEESECLOTH

Cheesecloth is yet another of those neat and cheap items you really want a lot of on hand for the Apocalypse.  I’m not sure exactly what it does in the kitchen as far as straining gravy or other bizarre crap like that because I’m a manly man who only uses that room to char meat and grunt wildly as I tear off chunks of dead animal with my teeth and hands.  Well, I really like gravy.  I’ve tried to make it on occasion because if there is one thing I like more than dead roasted critters it is bubbling pools of said animals fat and what better way to put a civilized face on consuming fat than in gravy?  I never seemed to get the hang of it though which is a little embarrassing because it is just fat and flour and water.  So maybe I need to learn all about cheesecloth and how to use it in the kitchen.  But that will just have to learn to wait for another time because we have far more important fish to fry here.  As I’m grumbling the other day about stinkin French Press’s and how that can’t last a damn year before I fumble one and break it and glass shatters everywhere and a tiny voice in the back of my mind is screaming, “You giant fool with perfect hair, your minion warned you about how he sliced up his hand on one of the damn things and had to go to the hospital but you wouldn’t listen to him oh no because you are a friggin know it all and look how this glass just fairly exploded with malefic intent and almost injured you and or the cats who might have stepped on one of the shards and as their very life force was ebbing from them they would have looked up at you with wounded pleading eyes and gave one pathetic meow and expired and your dreams would have been haunted by the majestic creatures you destroyed!”, I’m thinking on how I now need a back-up to the re-useable coffee filters I’m using with the vacuum thermos’s to make coffee now.  Now that I have finally hastened to listen to the minions voice before someone is seriously hurt.  And guess what will work swimmingly as a filter in the event that the three mesh ones I have ever all break, are stolen or melted into goo?  That’s right-cheesecloth.

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You can also use the stuff to pre-filter water before you take your bucket full of rancid river water full of twigs and bugs and floating fish turds and subject your expensive water filter to working overtime.  The better you pre-filter, the longer your filter lasts doing its primary task of getting microbes out of your drinking water.  Need mosquito netting?  Cheesecloth.  We get squeeters every few years or so- whenever the river rises and deposits pools of stagnant water on the banks.  As you can imagine, in a 500 year drought that doesn’t happen every year.  I still have healing dumps all over me from the little whores buzzing, divebombing and eating us.  A single glove of garlic crushed and put in cheesecloth hung by each door kept the little bastards away immediately.  I remember my mother using cheesecloth to dry fruit with.  We had the wooded framed wire screens stacked up and over the top she draped the fabric.  You also drape over your bowl of rising bread to keep out the bugs.  And of course, wrapping cheese.  It was used in aging cheddar cheese primarily, but if you take cheesecloth and put a slight bit of vinegar on it, then wrap the cheese, it should keep mold off of other less dry cheeses also.  Got cheesecloth?

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