thirty year food 2 of 2

THIRTY YEAR FOOD 2

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As covered yesterday, your food storage has many different levels.  You always have six months of regular grocery items that aren’t perishable.  This way you only buy on the sale.  You literally save 50% on grocery shopping this way, on average.  Then six months of freezer meat.  Again, this cuts your grocery bill in half because you are only buying on the sale.  This isn’t for the apocalypse but just for the regular economic decline.  Then, you have two months of no or low cooking food, heavy on protein and fat.  This is your die-off food storage.

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This can be freeze dried, if you are rich, or wet canned meats and butter if you need to be really frugal.  This is NOT the time to be cheap on food preps ( just cheap-er if you need to be ).  The next storage plan is your regular wheat, PLUS all that fun stuff for variety and comfort.  But these are still peasant foods, all carbs.  I want five years of meat to go with my wheat, but wanting in one hand and defecating in the other, I can’t help but notice that my want hand is the only one not filling up.  You can want all you want and it means absolutely zero.  The universe could give a crap what you want, hubris boy.  Get over it.

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AFTER the die-off diet, the only thing most of us can afford are carbohydrate foods of questionable food quality.  Obviously, have wheat.  If you don’t have three years minimum wheat, you are not only wrong, you are just a smidge dumb ass too.  Then, after the wheat, you can start adding your other thirty year foods.  You don’t need it, but it is at least affordable ( unlike that die-off two month diet ) and is a compromise between a meat every night diet and a just wheat diet.  NOT freeze dried, but Forever Food from the grocery store.  White rice, white flour, sugar and shortening have already been mentioned.  Thank you, FINALLY, food industry.

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There is a lot of problems with the for profit food industry in America ( perhaps in plenty of other countries, but I think no one went further overboard making food into poison than we did ), but one thing you have to admit, even if it took plenty of irreplaceable fuel and plenty of factories, finally the problem of food spoilage was solved.  The foods coming out of factories simply lasts pretty close to forever.  It was a recognized joke full of hyperbole to proclaim that a Twinkie would last as long as cockroaches after a nuclear war, but it also was pretty close to the mark.  Processed foods can last forever.  You might be eating crap but at least you had enough calories to avoid famine ( malnutrition was an entirely different matter ).

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Any liquid oil you care to store will pretty much be a rancid bottle of goo after a year or three.  I used to store lard, but at about five years most of it is starting to go bad.  But shortening?  That stuff is as “fresh” smelling at the five year mark as day one, and that is NOT storing it in a temperature controlled environment.  That is all I store now and it is half the price of lard.  White flour will begin to taste a bit weird after five years, but it is still edible.  It will be for a very long time.  White rice tastes just as horrid in ten years as the day it left the factory, but you can eat it.  I would hazard to guess that there is no reason why rice and flour isn’t going to be edible in thirty years.

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Sugar will last forever.  I’m not aware about corn syrup, but I can’t imagine that will go bad.  But just sugar itself is going to do wonders for almost anything you can make or bake ( to be clear, you are eating whole wheat flour every day, with all this processed fake food as a supplement.  An all complete carb diet won’t kill you.  A simple carb one [ processed, white foods ] can.  Eat mostly complex carbs and only add a little of the processed ones for flavor and variety ).  A little fake maple flavoring and you have syrup for those otherwise boring waffles and pancakes ( if you simply must have post-apocalypse waffles, they do make cast iron waffle makers for off grid use ).

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Everyone knows to add spices to your food storage.  It is much cheaper to do so than paying the food storage company to add them for you.  Don’t forget the chicken and beef bullion.  Sure, it is basically a barely cow flavored salt lick, but that salt means the little bastards will last forever.  A bit of flavored water for pasta or biscuits gets you a brand new dish.  Minion reports have freeze dried foods at very high salt levels, so why pay for the heavy salted beef when you can just store bullion cubes much cheaper? ( I know!  Protein.  I’m being funny, damn you to Hell, Francis ).

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Don’t forget drinks.  Coffee, obviously.  The generic swill might taste worse than Starbucks with homeless guy body fluids in it, but the swill never goes bad.  Years after the apocalypse you might wish you had green coffee beans in storage you could roast yourself for a glorious cup of delicious gourmet coffee, but you’ll happily settle for coffee flavored generic mud.  Instant will also last forever ( hello, it is freeze dried ), but it costs much more.  Tea bags are barely over a penny each ( Kroger, no string or tab ).  I can’t stand tea, but your mileage may vary.  And add things like hot chocolate packages, or even drink mixes.

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I think it would be funny as hell to store Grape Kool-Aid for the apocalypse, getting everyone nervous that you are all going out in a blaze of glory as the food runs out ( by some accounts the drink flavoring was actually a knock off brand, Flavor-Aid, but myths are better unaltered ).  But any sugar flavored water mix is probably a good idea.  It is, again, comfort food.  It isn’t strictly needed.  But you are saving half on your grocery shopping, remember?  You can take a portion of your savings and buy all these additional foods that are after all variety/comfort foods. 

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I mean, seriously.  You haven’t Pantry Stocked yet?  What does pasta go for now?  At least a buck a pound.  There was a semolina flour shortage in Italy for a time and ever since then pasta is at least double the price.  It just takes one crop issue in one region ( rice, beans, semolina wheat, eggs-all recent examples ) and globally that commodity shoots up in price and all you see are empty shelves.  But pasta goes on sale regularly, for fifty cents if you buy half a dozen or ten or whatever.  Why wouldn’t you stock up?  Keep that six month supply stocked AND add to your long term stores.  And it doesn’t cost you extra. 

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I constantly ONLY buy meat at half price, if not one third.  I think I go more months NOT spending $60 or $80 than I do going over that.  Many times, even that low amount includes long term storage food.  You want to know how to get spouse approval for food storage?  There it is.  Spend one third only buying on sales, place the other third in long term storage food, and show her the other one third price savings.  You’ll probably be put in charge of grocery shopping.  You’re a genius, a hero!  It also helps if you learn to cook, then she won’t want to go out to eat as often ( especially when she sees what ONE meal costs in comparison to the new and improved monthly grocery bill ).  Now, compare the above with your chances of being given permission to buy any #10 cans of freeze dried foods.  Or FLIR scopes.

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