B&C 3 of 3

BEGGARS AND CHOOSERS 3

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note: an interesting character, the Japanese soldier who didn't surrender for thirty years click here
If you like the video, here is a book http://amzn.to/2Dh7188 .  I read it long ago from the library.  Not great on "how-to" details, but a good read.
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When you begin dating, or attempting to date, a woman, obviously you are wooing her.  You are selling yourself in a job interview.  You want to get paid in a grant of sexual exclusivity for breeding purposes ( okay, you just want to get laid-but your programming, DNA and hormones are being sneaky and trying to knock her up ), in exchange for protecting and providing.  Yeh, sure, it really sucks to be a gal.  Guys have to endanger their lives, and gals must breed.  Boo-hoo!  Anyway, here is the important part.  If you ever NEED that particular female, you have bungled the job interview and are going to be stuck down in the mail room instead of on the sales floor ( you’ll provide and protect and she will cuckold you-been there, sent a postcard ).

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Females instinctively know what you’ll have to learn the hard way.  You NEED a female, but if you need HER, you are a loser.  Females don’t make sense.  You know that.  Yet they do have rules.  You must be willing and able to dump her if she doesn’t behave.  Look at gals as a puppy.  They don’t perform well making their own decisions and need a strong alpha to lead them.  If you are needy with a gal she will keep metaphorically crapping on the rug.  And no, whiny bitches, I’m not being misogynist.  It isn’t that you actually want to be bossed around, as much as that is a tell on whether your man is strong or weak.  No gal really wants to mate with weakness.

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Now, men and women are definitely different.  That is just nature.  A weaker man can capitulate to a stronger one and they still form an effective group.  Leadership is determined by demonstrated ability.  But, just like gals, as soon as weakness is shown the leadership dynamic is ruined.  And here is where all this is going.  Bribing others to join your tribe is a sign of weakness.  NEEDING someone to join your tribe is weakness.  As soon as you NEED, you BLEED.  Just keep that little jingle in your head and your life will be much easier.

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Trust me, from someone who has WAY over thought and overanalyzed everything his whole life and learned the hard way.  Simple binary choices always, in the end, trump rational choices, when it comes to fundamentals.  Not that I’m claiming you should be an unthinking robot at this juncture.  That will get you in trouble.  In times of cultural upheaval and resource depletion, the old binary rules can get you in trouble.  They still are valid, but the targets are moving now.  Brute unwavering loyalty to a tribe is ALWAYS correct, but now you need to find another tribe.

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And being needy is ALWAYS wrong.  It is just that now-because of that moving target-sometimes simple loyalty from the spouse isn’t quite enough ( they must follow your guidance in survivalist related activities ).  They must recognize the upheaval already occurring.  Binary fundamentals are still correct as always, there are just the new need to reevaluate your loyalty in changing times.  Anyway, before I go off on another tangent and this becomes book length, back to forming a tribe.  There is zero wiggle room there, as far as being needy.

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Let’s play Pretend and say a modern doctor only schooled in relying on the Oil Age infrastructure can actually be an asset after the collapse ( he probably won’t be, but a doc is what the fantasy group alpha profession is ).  If you NEED the guy for his skills, you have gained a doctor to your group but you have probably NOT gained a loyal member of your tribe.  He will see himself as an employee, a contractor, and always be looking at the group as what it can do for him, in repayment.

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But that is NOT how tribes work.  Yes, they are reciprocal.  Loyalty in, loyalty out.  But they must be automatic and unlimited in the loyalty.  By placing the tribe above you in importance, your odds of survival are actually greater, as are the odds of the group surviving.  But an employee isn’t the same as a tribal member.  There doesn’t necessarily have an unlimited loyalty aspect to it.  It is a temporary assignment rather than a lifelong one.  I know it is hard to remember, but marriages used to be like that.  As long as you don’t betray me, we are in until death.

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Interviewing a prospective member for your group?  That is an employee interview.  A member wanting to join and being forced to prove himself in order to do so?  That is a probationary tribal member.  If you watch way too much Netflix, you might have noticed that these topics are being used in the better shows.  The outlaw motorcycle gang one-look at the tasks probationary members went through.  That show with the guy from “The X-Files”?  Not the show “Californication” ( as great as that one was ).  The one where he is a cop and his dealing with Charles Manson.  A very good depiction of a rookie cop earning the loyalty of the tribe ( and the “corruption” which were really just tribal loyalty-some writer was really good with depicting pre-LEO peace officers ).

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Needing a tribal member, begging for someone to join.  Needing their skill set.  Wanting someone.  These are NOT tribal organizations.  They are current paradigm groups, and they are NOT going to make a successful tribe.  Members NEED you, you don’t need members.  And the best prospective members will prove themselves to you willingly, but be is no position of true need themselves.  Just like you are wooing a date.  You’ll go all out, but if the bitch screws it up, you are OUT!  The basic attitude in both situations is, “look at how good I am proving myself to be-if you are also good enough we can join.  But I don’t NEED you if you aren’t worthy”. 

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As a group, you are better off without that doctor, if you NEED him.  Everyone needs a doctor.  But you must have the attitude that you don’t need him bad enough to alter your rules.  If you must accommodate him,  you don’t WANT him.  You can’t ever be needy.  When you are being defeated in battle, you cannot NEED to survive.  By embracing death, you are more likely to survive.  Your attitude must always be defiant ( when certain groups and nationalities seem to almost genetically transfer to newborns their innate stubbornness [ yes, I know it is cultural and taught, but sometimes is SEEMS to be at least partially genetic ] the ability to remain stubborn under any circumstances, that is a marker of defiance as a survival mechanism ).

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Being defiant and stubborn, by never being needy, EVER-not even for a doctor if you must beg for him, even if your child needs surgery-you force others to bend to you, to accommodate you, and you will be the victor.  Your tribe will be the more successful.  Binary choice when forming any relationship, marriage or a new tribe.

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( as a tribal leader, if you used your personal wealth gained through war, to hire a doctor for a single procedure, that is one thing.  It is quite another to compromise the integrity of the group as a whole, to accept the doctor as a member who won’t have unwavering loyalty [ proving your devotion to the group, usually through accepting a terrible choice, establishes your loyalty ].  That weakens the tribe through your compromising out of weakness.  As soon as you make an exception, the trust is broken.  And trust is always far more important than a one-off gain )

END ( today's related link http://amzn.to/2D1o1ze )

 

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