tactical tammy

TACTICAL TAMMY

Uniforms serve a purpose besides the conventionally taught “be able to distinguish friend from foe in the heat of battle”.  That is of course of paramount performance, but ritual and superstition and mental performance also have a lot to do with it.  Pre-Agricultural Empire groups of combatants also have distinguishing combat dress ( think: war paint, for instance, or gang colors ).  This was an easy way of advertising to your enemies that, 1) don’t screw with me, you can see I’m wearing the Kick Ass Combatants Dress, and 2) when attacking without warning a quick visual of the identifying “flag” could further destabilize the victims on a mental level leading to a tactical advantage.  Of course, a uniform, flag, identifying item, all have to be backed by the promise of a world of hurt.  If not, then the uniform is merely a costume.  Then the wearer is just playing a child’s dress up game in a world of adults.  Let me give you an easy example.  You see a Marine Corps uniform, more often than not you are impressed.  The institution behind the uniform has impressed, inspired or instilled fear in you. 

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You look at a navy uniform, and you think “pussy” ( I’m not playing favorites here, the Army had its share of less than macho traditions and behavior-but you have to admit that without knowing insignia and being unaware of any special status such as aviation or special forces, your initial reaction is most likely going to be “your hats look like orange juice squeezers”, “you swab decks”, and “until recently you were all a bunch of faggots” ).  What has the Navy done for us since 1945?  Granted, Navy nuke missile subs are our best defense against aggression, and the Brown Water Navy did look pretty cool in Apocalypse Now, but other than that what are they other than a really deep hole to pour money in?  I don’t know about you, but I’ve been less than impressed with surface ships since the Falklands War when it was demonstrated to everyone how vulnerable multi-billion dollar vessels are to cheap missiles.  Well, everyone except Congress and the Defense Department-but since politicians are both lower and less intelligent than a lump of whale feces on the bottom of the ocean, as are officers from any branch of the military a mere one step above them on the evolutionary scale, one shouldn’t judge either too harshly.

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And, really?  An orange juice squeezer?  Even if you are introducing some pretty wicked warriors, you can kind of screw that up dressing them like buffoons ( at least at first.  Given time, that clown costume will inspire the desired effect regardless ).  Look at the Army thirty years ago.  BDU’s were hideously ugly and had the strange ability to highlight whatever ugly body attribute the wearer possessed.  I haven’t kept track of the many and varied uniform changes since then, and it would be interesting to know the percentage of the budget which was wasted on all the unnecessary switches when all that was ever required was to change the OD green fatigues to match different terrains.   Uniforms matter.  Both to the wearer, to feel a sense of pride and conformity to the organization, as well as to feel a surge of confidence.  And to the enemies of the uniform. 

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I’ll admit the current Army clothing and equipment is an improvement, but for all that they still screw it up by overburdening the individual and any gains are hidden under a proverbial pincushion of crap that covers any advantageous design.  You see one of our guys laboring up a hill under 50% of their body weight in gear, what is your response?  Fear?  Or the knowledge you have time for a quick snack before you need to retreat?  Now let’s move to law enforcement.  Watch some TV shows or movies from the ‘80’s or prior.  You see what?  A web belt with a pistol, a little bit of ammunition and a night stick, with a pair of handcuffs thrown in.  That is it.  Since then, add Mace, Tazers, multiple communication devices and a non-optional kitchen sink.  It is stupid the amount of crap they are carrying.  Of course, just like the military, admirers can happily recite reams of excuses for each and every piece of equipment.  And will in the future as more are added.  In the meantime, you see a cop all encumbered, fit or not, what are you going to think?  I can outrun this bitch.  Why fear him?

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And if it is a Her?  Really?  If a female LEO is pointing a gun at me, or has multiple male back-ups, I’m very worried and very respectful.  Without a drawn weapon or real cops behind her ( sorry, I‘m very Old School when it comes to the warrior professions-not to say male cops are necessarily any tougher, but they start off and stay with a huge natural advantage )?  Righhhhht.  How can you be all that worried?  In her case, no amount of institutional fear/respect or dazzling uniform is going to inspire much of anything other than disgust.  Unless she is a dyke.  Then I’d worry a lot more.  I certainly wouldn’t get close enough to get my ass kicked.  So, here is today’s lesson, boys and girls and minions.  A uniform doesn’t make you something you ain’t.  It won’t magically transform form over function.  You can dress up as Tactical Tommy as you want, stiffly starched fatigue cap, knee pads, rigid plastic Glock holster, chest bandoleer of AR mags.  And I won’t be impressed.  You can bet the Ghetto Dwellers won’t pause in fright.  You might think that if you look deadly, you are.  And in SOME cases that would be true.  But with today’s pussy-fied military and LEO, you no longer have the backing of an institution to transform you as it once did.  Now, if you think looking deadly will make you so, you are deluded on the way to dead.  Leave the costumes to the clowns, then wait for your tribe to earn its street cred before you treat your uniform as a talisman.

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