freeze dried testicles

FREEZE DRIED TESTICLES

You all know how I feel about freeze dried food.  Luxury Yuppie Scum fodder, whereas said brain dead zombies mindlessly chew their cud after the Apocalypse proclaiming awe at their intelligence as they made lots of money after screwing over some schmuck ( anymore, almost all sums above serf wages are from someone being defrauded on some level-a zero sum game ) so as to continue their Oil Age Middle Class lifestyle as long after the collapse as possible ( with their timing for that elusive recover strangely coinciding with the amount of supplies that they have.  Nothing can deviate from that plan, as they are so smart they’ve got it all figured out.  The unwashed uneducated masses can die horrible deaths from lack of semi-automatics and peasant foods in the form of grains ). 

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But nothing I discuss or advocate is black and white.  There are plenty of grey areas.  I despise with a purple passion usually reserved for Hitlary the M-16 assault carbines.  Their design is atrocious.  From their very introduction when Colt was using shoddy materials to churn out more weapons, causing rust in the jungles of Vietnam, to present when, after saving weight by using a souped up rimfire rather than a thirty caliber bottle rifle round, then redesigning everything until now you need three hits to take down a starving Somalian ( hence negating the advantage in weight reduction in the ammo load ), nothing good has ever come out of that weapon as an assault rifle.  I say, stop blaming the troopers for a jammed weapon when the thing was designed improperly.  HOWEVER!  Having said all that, I’ll also say that the M-16 is an amazingly accurate rifle ( the extra bolt lugs, for one thing ).  It has zero recoil, or near enough that little girls can customize the furniture pink and be proficient in a firearm.  Being so accurate, it makes a wonderful mid range sniper rifle.  As long as you don’t Spray And Pray, and use it as a marksmen rather than a berserking Viking, which mostly negates the fouling issue, it is a fine and affordable platform.

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So too with freeze dried foods.  While doing everything in my power to keep you from buying any, as they are pure luxury and decadence rather than basic calories to stay alive, I also admit to some utility.  Wheat first, as calories trump nutrition in the long term stockpile game ( I shan’t cover this again, go back a few weeks if you must re-read that reminder ).  Then more wheat.  Vitamin pills and generic Crisco ( enough multi-vitamins for a year and enough separate Vitamin C pills for the same, $25.  At Kroger, a plastic tub of fake lard is just under $3.  Eight containers should last you a year easy, with more in the winter and less in the summer.  After stocking in a non-temperature controlled environment for five years I still didn’t see any spoilage in my stash-the regular lard was going bad, and its replacements were twice the price as shortening.  Both are hydrogenated oils and so rather unhealthy.  But no fat is even worse for you ) only add $50 a year and are exponentially better than wheat only. 

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Only then after you have years of wheat and the supplements should you stock up on animal protein.  My reasoning is the same as always.  You cannot time the collapse and if you claim you can you are a moron.  I can’t make it any simpler that that.  You must act like tomorrow is the Game Over moment.  So you prepare like crazy yesterday and assume it all ends tomorrow.  Calories first.  So, having gotten that out of the way, let’s talk about a recent sale a Yuppie Scum Survivalist site had from one of their advertisers.  A case of freeze dried beef was $200.  Evidently this was considered a bargain.  155 calories per dollar.  Canned meat in the store is at least 400 calories per dollar.  Canning chicken on sale, call it 500 calories per dollar. 

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Of course, before you crap a kitten, the freeze dried meat doesn’t need to be replaced for thirty years.  Home canned meat is good for just a few years.  And I’ve kept metal cans of meat up to a decade but they were starting to rust and those were cans from prior to the industry wide redesign towards lower quality materials.  So, yes, freeze dried meat is actually no more expensive than any other preservation system since it lasts so much longer and doesn’t require replacing as often.  Even going with shortening and fat free dried milk is going to equal the cost of freeze dried with its regular replacement requirement ( just because my shortening still seemed okay after five years doesn’t mean I want to keep it much longer than that ).  One way around this would be to have glass jar cans of meat you rotate for your regular meals.  You get to buy when on sale, wait to can in the winter, and for much less expensive than freeze dried ( $800 verses $1600 for a year ). 

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Also, ask yourself why you are buying freeze dried meat.  If it is for immediate consumption after the collapse, I might suggest a much cheaper alternative.  If your climate isn’t too tropical, if you can root-cellar, how about butter?  The same amount of calories in the freeze dried beef, 31 thousand, that cost $200 will cost just $30 in butter ( at $3 a pound ).  I’ve had butter underground in the non-summer months for weeks without spoilage.  Will it last a month?  I can’t guarantee that.  But if you kept those ten pounds of butter in the freezer and then transferred them underground in pest proof containers after the freezers failed ( as in became room temperature, which would take awhile anyway ) you should get close to that.  Butter is over three thousand calories a pound.  I’d seriously consider that milk goat if possible.  You can live a lacto-vegetarian diet cheaply and easily with the right climate.  Butter and cheese are wonderful long term meat substitutes.

Even if the Po’ Boy Survival Stockpile Plan is mostly pure vegetarian, you can introduce a bit of animal protein at least ( I‘ll cover Ghee-clarified room temperature butter-tomorrow ).  

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