KRAMPOS DELIVERS BRAN
Rob, you wonderful minion SOB-excellent care package! Most pleasantly shocked! Happy Festivus!*
Krampos ( spelling? ) is the German folk
tale character who is the real, evil Santa Claus. The good kids get gold
coins, the slightly bad get whipped and the worse get taken away to get eaten. I love that evil bastard, so much more of a
believable motivator for good behavior than the made up to cash in commercially
Santa. In fact, Santa can take all his
presents and reindeer, roll them up into a little ball and shove them up his
ass. God bless us, everyone, but I hate
and despise Christmas. Yes, we are all
materialistic, greedy and consumer driven.
363 days out of the year. Do we
really need ANOTHER day to celebrate that?
One that tries to outdo the rest of the year combined? And yes, I did enjoy the day for the kids,
when they were young. But even then, I
was deluding myself. I was helping to
train mindless consuming drones in my image, and lied to myself that it was a
magical time for them. Sure, the first
time they were cognizant of it. After
that, it was unrealistic expectations all year, to the point they couldn’t
possibly be happy about the less than perfect reality. We don’t get that crap enough as adults? We have to pass that poison on to our kids?
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Look at how we seek
Christmas miracles in all things in our lives.
Marriage is never perfect because it is sold as a picture book romance
rather than a partnership greater than the sum of its parts as long as both
people take responsibilities. In
reality, our society loathes responsibility and to avoid it uses the lack of
romance as an excuse to end the relationship ( if I ever hear “I love you but I’m
not IN love with you” I don’t know if I can be held responsible for my actions
). Look how we seek happiness at our
job, thinking it confers nobility, purpose and social status. Dude, we are all prostitutes. A better paid whore just means they don’t die
from a disease as soon as the corner walkers.
Look how we have ever increasing expectations, yesterdays luxuries now
necessities, ever newer luxury always being sought, just as a child at
Christmas always wanting and needing newer and better and more. My only bright spot this Christmas was the
blind corporate adherence to policy produced a funny as Hell aside. The Food Bank receives a yearly food donation
from a well-to-do grocery store ( Rally’s/Bell-Aire/Nob Hill ). The customers there spend $10 to donate to us
a $20 bag of groceries, the store making up the difference. At the end of the Christmas season we get
pallet after pallet of cases of canned and dry goods ( and a few at the
beginning of December ). Rice, pasta
sauce, tuna, etc. Well, a short time
ago, it was decided that rather than making all that last all year long as we
had been doing, all those items were going to be put in a Christmas food box
and given to our clients. It isn’t just
to the homeless any more, but mainly to low income families. It was kind of retarded, giving spaghetti
sauce for Christmas dinner, but nobody ever asks me, being a testicle wearer
and all ( all the bosses are women ).
There was still plenty left over to last the next year, but it was just
a huge waste of time and an embarrassment.
Well, this year we got boxes of cereal, so that was included in the
Christmas Dinner Box. Bran pellet
cereal. The nastiest, foulest breakfast
concoction ever. Krampos would be proud
of that Christmas punishment.
END
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We do indeed think alike about this capitalistic celebration of pagan ritual.
ReplyDeleteAt least my wife and I made a pact some time ago that only prep type gifts were to be bought for holy jebus day.
Although she still goes apeshit crazy with the decoration stuff. Es okay I suppose
You have proven to me that a special day such as Christmas is not necessary for the great oracle of Helko to be generous. I still stand humbled....
May you have an up coming Happy New Year, my friend !!
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2013/12/131217-krampus-christmas-santa-devil
ReplyDeleteI think you were going for Krampus. As far as working under the fairer sex, I was in the first forward deployed navy command that had a 49 percent female component. That was not nice. I found the best way to deal with the female khakis (officers and senior enlisted) was to hit on them. Most of the time it worked. Even got me off active reserve waay early, but she was a rare cutie and worth the effort either way. Anyhow, Happy holidays and be safe great one.
ReplyDelete:) That is how I get most of our donors to love me and give us more. Flirting. We both know its harmless but they appreciate the attention. PS, I don't do this with the guy donors.
DeleteI was pretty darn young when I realized that no matter how good I was all year long, Santa loved the rich kids better than he loved me.
ReplyDeleteOur family has really scaled back on the presents. The little kids get some stuff, but it's pretty low key for the rest of us.
Only had one woman boss. I was told her husband was the boss, but quickly figured out who was in charge. That was the job where I learned how good it can feel to just walk away from a bad situation, even without anything else lined up. Of course, i was young and single then.
And not only did rich spawn get better/more X-Mas, they kept all the good candy mom and dad didn't hand out at the door. Don't get me started on rich pukes.
DeleteCould I ask you to please suspend your feelings about Christmas briefly and bestow a Christmas present on your loyal minions...in the form of another chapter of Loco Gringos? Thanks!
ReplyDeleteYou're lucky the sun won't come out, or I'd already have finished chapter ten. Hint: it's the end of the book.
DeleteWow! That's going to be one looooonnngggg chapter!! In it, our heroes will have to vanquish MZBs (Mutant Zombie Bikers), obtain and fuel a proper bugout vehicle, bug out from their locale to Idaho (come on, who can survive in Elko? Sheesh!), see the light and dump their Enfields for ARs, fight off the Golden Horde, and quickly master a plethora of skills from animal husbandry to how to perform their own surgeries so they can be accepted into a "proper" retreat. Come on, LB - they can't just survive, they have to THRIVE!!!
DeleteI needed a chuckle first thing monday. Thanks :)
DeleteI suppose it could be used in the stuffing?
ReplyDeleteMay your locks ever shine like a crow's wing Lord Bison. Can you divert any of this food to your own use? Better you than a welfare parasite!
ReplyDeleteHail Darwin
I only partake in the perishables, when in surplus. No use getting fired over a generic can of beans.
Delete