MAY WE PANIC?
Please, Sir, may we
'ave another panic attack? Today I want to talk about relying on
other people to tell you when to panic. I don't mean you are reading
and researching and decide X is a disaster of biblical proportions
just about to happen ( cough, Peak Oil, cough, hack, cough, Olduvai
Theory, cough ). I mean, people asking experts when exactly they
should panic. So, I'm reading Aesop over at Raconteur Report and one
of his readers ask, when should I bug out over this Ebola thing?
Now, don't take this the wrong way. I do NOT blame the reader for
asking this question.
*
This is a perfectly
rational question. At what point should I drop my beer and grab my
gear? This is after all life and death. The problem with the
question is you shouldn't HAVE to answer it. Not because it is a
stupid question but because bugging out needs to be a secondary
option, and never the primary one. We've talked about this. If you
must ask “when”, it is human nature to lie to yourself that it
never will be. You NEVER bet against human nature. Not as a
survivalist, anyway. I can see ignoring it sometimes.
*
When you have a
blushing bride so young and juicy nothing is sagging yet, you NEVER
say to yourself, self, that bitch is going to hump me like I've never
been humped before, and not in a good way, because that is just what
bitches do. No, you ignore human nature and try to hit that until
you wear out Wee Willie. But once you got over the spawning phase of
your life and started devoting more attention to the areas outside
your bedroom ( or couch, or on top of the dryer, or in the men's room
at Burger King ), you realize Crap Just Got Real, yo.
*
Meaning people are
asswhores. I look back at my twenties and ask myself why I was so
sociable back then and now everyone repulses me. At first I thought,
people are living through the death of the high trust society and
are acting accordingly. Or, the death of our tribal unity. Now I
realize, I just had zero clue how rotten people are anyway. I was
blinded by boobs. Nice, plump ones, granted. Ginormous ones that
ended up costing me over a hundred grand ( near ten years gross
wages, subtracting my outlier paying job, or casino gratuities ).
Ah, boobs.
*
Where was I? Human
nature. You always make an excuse. The wife will be pissed if I'm
wrong ( if mamma is on the warpath, there will be buried bodies ).
I'll lose my job if I'm wrong. Perhaps the threat is overblown. You
take my meaning. Just call us Alibi Ike. We'll wait until our
housing division street looks like a scene out of a bad zombie movie.
We wait, if for no other reason than The News Lies. Let me repeat
that. THE NEWS LIES!!! As Mogambo would say, three explanation
marks make it special and worthy of panic.
*
Look, I can see wanting
to be informed when a hurricane is coming. I never considered
bugging out, but that was just the price of not having a car.
Personally, I think if you live there you better be living in a spot
that won't be underwater, but I can still see the attraction of
going. But Ebola? That is like asking, where do I go when the nukes
start falling? I mean, where COULD you go?
*
Oh, you could go
somewhere that was better. I worked with a guy as the Soviet Union
was breaking up who asked me just that, where? He had a motor home
and we were east of Sacramento California nestled just at the
foothills. Not exactly a huge metro area, but this WAS Cali and even
back then most places had too many people. I told him he was
probably okay from fallout just headed north a bit. Of course, that
was JUST fallout. He still had overpopulation and lack of food
supplies to contend with. He was just buying days or weeks.
*
The point during a nuke
war was if you bugged out you were NOT going to be safe. It is the
exact same with Ebola. You are safe in the bunker, but not if you
have to get TO the bunker. Simply, there is no fleeing Ebola unless
you are at the head of the exodus, so early that you do endanger your
marriage and your job. Now, how many of you are going to go there?
If you think Ebola is going to get really real, you bunker in. If
you have to do so at your present location, go to Home Depot and
start. Today.
*
If where you are at is
too problematic, you either move now or most likely you are screwed.
Because why? Because The News Lies! They will lie about an Ebola
Bitch getting into the country ( as it might have already happened ).
They will lie about one in your local hospital ( oh, yeah, don't
need to be in a hospital, at all, going forward ). They will lie
about the authorities investigating or trying to contain. They.
Will. Just. Lie. Period. What part of that confuses you?
*
Get this through your
head. The US is the THIRD LARGEST country in the world by
population. We are just behind black plague and leprosy India and
Too Many Multi-tens-of-millions-of-people Cities China. We might
have plenty of land but our people group together in Calcutta
Crapholes. All those people are dangerous. Going out among them is
dangerous. Charlie is outside the wire. Why do you want to go
outside the wire? Why is any of this confusing? And I can hear it
now. But Jim, my job. But Jim, my trophy wife. But Jim, my aging
parents.
*
But, Minion, SO HUMPING
WHAT! If you can't make those relatively not that hard of decisions,
you won't be able to make any life and death ones. I guaran-damn-tee
you. If you CHOOSE to stay in the wrong location, fine. That is
your choice. You made it. You chose love or commitment or luxury.
But you cannot also choose Greater Probabilities Of Survival. So
stop worrying. The odds are you will die. And? So? What of it?
What is your point? As survivalists we know exactly what is coming.
We know what we must do. If you DON'T do it, you know your odds.
*
This guy is asking,
Aesop, when should I run away from Ebola? Well, Spanky, you can't.
You can TRY. You can run from hurricanes until the day your
insurance company stops paying for your drowned house. You can run
from a slowly unfolding economic collapse ( although you lose each
time as entropy shows you what a bitch you are ). You can run from
OtherColor immigration. But a few things you cannot run from, such
as nuclear war and Ebola. SOME folks will succeed by trying. Almost
all will not. Almost any plan other than running is probably better.
*
If you are betting on
long odds, most likely you lose. So why worry about timing? You
either leave BEFORE Ebola, because as soon as everyone knows about it
your odds go from 100% survival to about ONE, or you don't worry
about timing because the odds stay at that 1% the entire time. In
our JIT economy, just a few people panicking ruin bugging out for
everyone else. Days before the hurricane and the roads are clogged
and the gas is gone. How much worse do you think Ebola will be? So,
ether crap or get off the pot.
( .Y. )
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Awesome. Not to mention, true.
ReplyDeleteYou bug in wherever you is, when you even get a hint of local contagion. Zero contact from that point forward , other than whomever you may seal in with yourself behind duct tape and plastic yo. Filtered air only. Stored water and all provision's only whatcha got.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't panic buy from Amazon at the last minute, no contagions in that way. Buy now, not then. Don't touch the mail either. Put a mailbox out at the gate, take the one at your front door down. Lock the gate.
DeleteMailbox is all ready out next to the road and the house about a hundred fifty feet of clear field of fire.
DeleteHouse is concrete with a sturdy steel door on that side of the house. The rest is surrounded by a solid six foot fence with provision's for electrifying. Soon to have surveillance cameras too. All powered via solar.
Just installed a well pump which can be also run from the solar power. Connected to a rooftop sprinkler setup. Gotta be able to suppress molitov cocktail assaults hee hee.
I'm impressed, dude. Of course, you are in Florida. Which I used to think was the Elephant Graveyard of America but know I think it just might be the lunatic asylum. The heat and humidity keeps everyone more mellow, at least. Nevada? Even worse. Where people come in desperation, for some strange reason. But at least not as crowded.
DeleteI was impressed with Spud's preps -and that was before the fence went in. More than half of this game is mental.
DeleteSpud is the stud when it comes to this stuff. Good thing he isn't competition.
DeleteWow, Spud.
DeleteJust wow.
Absolutely splendid effort Lord Bison.
ReplyDeleteParagraph #4 is great: "Meaning people are asswhores... Ah, boobs". Every word in between just so true.
One tiny complaint though.
Your line, "At what point should I drop my beer?"
Say it ain't so. My notion is you would respond to ballon going up with ever so much more aplomb and grace. Just can't see you as a screaming Nancy who lacked self control and panache to the point of dropping a beer to attend to an adult crisis.
For me, if I hear of Ebola within 50 miles. I'm screaming like Nancy's red headed step brother and heading out. Ever hear a 4 cylinder smoke rubber? Me neither...yet!
Damn the traffic cameras... my insurance rates will just have to go up.
Well, I don't drink beer, or any other adult beverage. I do have vodka on hand for pain killer, and an Irish whiskey I'll use to celebrate the death of all who opposed me. But one sip and I'll be knocked on my ass. I drank enough until my mid-twenties to last a lifetime, and I never understood how writers can drink. It is dulling the main tool.
DeleteSpeaking of New Zealand Jim, I just re-watched Warlords from the 21st century (Aka Battletruck). I haven’t seen it since the 1980’s. Of all the Mad Max inspired clones, this one seemed like one of the better one’s. More than a few far fetched scenarios (Endless ammo, and a turbine powered semi-truck as the bad guy’s mobile headquarters; seriously?) but also some realistic scenarios as far as life PA goes. In the first 13 minutes you learn that you can never have too much ammo, and that you never surrender to marauders. Other lessons are: Hermitage is plausible, rat finks must eradicated from the tribe, you’ll want a dual sport motorcycle, plenty of antibiotics, pain killers (some Viagra might be helpful :D ) night vision (I didn’t know that they had such nice units way back in 1982) horses, chickens to make the methane for your dual sport motorcycle, and there will be no democracies :D
ReplyDeleteNot sure what was up with the bad guy and the girl though? From what I gathered, he was her biological father, but seemed to have an interest in her that went well beyond that...
Favorite quote from the main protagonist to the girl he rescues:
“You need people. I don’t.” :D
Other worthy quotes:
“Why do men have to fight?”
“It’s always been a battle of who gets more.”
“It has to change.”
“It’s been that way for thousands of years.”
Battletruck (1982)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UG8p1_P11u0
Oh, and Cliff from Cheers was in it :D (Battletruck)
ReplyDeleteDammit, it sounds interesting, but I must hold my resolve over YouTube. Hopefully, other minions will heed and get something out of your recommendation.
ReplyDeleteThere you go Jim. It was tough finding it on a different site, but just so you know, Dailymotion.com generally has everything that youtube has, and more. I did find it there, but it wasn’t in English. The site below has a somewhat shitty player, but it works. Oh, and I was only kidding about the night vision :D
Deletehttps://tubitv.com/movies/466920/warlords_of_the_21st_century_aka_battletruck
I have "tubi" as a streaming channel on the smart TV. Wonder if it is the same? Either way, I'm all set now. Many thanks. I read the reviews on Amazon for the DVD-can't say I'd want to spend cash money on it.
DeleteYeah, it’s a 1982 post apocalypse movie Jim. In other words, it’s 1980’s good, but probably not worth spending 2019 money on good :D
DeleteOf interest to me though, was the little Eco-village that those people set up. It actually seemed like it might be a plausible scenario. Like I said, much of it is unrealistic. Like the villagers voting on whether or not to allow the young, fertile, female into the tribe; well, that’s just nonsense. She would have been instantly welcomed into the tribe. The one dude in the tribe, the a-hole, would have had his ass “earth abided” almost instantly, if that were a real village :D
But brewing your own alcohol, for pain or for antiseptic purposes, sounds like a right smart idea. I think that I recommended the book, “Alcohol is a gas” a while back, and as I recall, you picked it up. I might have to take a closer look at it.
I wasn't turned off by the trailer, so I can see watching it through to pick up the tidbits as you recommend. Tubi has a LOT of those sci-fi channel type disaster flicks ( and a LOT of '80's cheese ). One I'll watch all the way through and then wonder why-then I'll do it again a few weeks later :) I've got my eye on a series of movies with something about an evil pot bong ( or something ). Good source of movies you just didn't think there made. On a Sad Panda note, they have the first season of Magnum PI. A lot worse than I remember. Another shattered dream.
DeleteOkay, I'm stuck at boobs. No matter how old I get part of me will be a 14 year old boy forever.
ReplyDeleteIf you aren't forted up right now, it could already be too late to keep disease out. Like you say, they lie. It could be among us now and we'd only notice when enough neighbors have died in their yards and nobody is picking up the bodies.