shove that stick

SHOVE THAT STICK

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note: GS in IL, got your snail mail.  Very generous and much appreciated!
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note: POG, got your PayPal, Ver Gutt! 
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When others are getting to the bottom of the list of their favorite shopping lists ( list of best FLIR and NV scopes, best mystery meats freeze dried, best carbon fuel to stock in industrial park size containers to keep the deep fryer and hair dryer going after the collapse ), it seems that they simply have to come back to the Bug Out Bag.  Arrrgh!  I hate bug out bags.  If you need water and a meal, you are probably too far away from where you should be living.  Yes, yes, I know.  There are always exceptions.  In general, however, I don’t care for the whole concept.  It is solving White People Problems.

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My historical loyal minions know what I’m talking about.  Those with too much money invent problems where there shouldn’t be any ( I gleefully stole it from a Black comedian ).  What, you think you are so special you need so much extra money you have to live in a ginormous urban hive?  I’ve lived that life ( well, in a medium size hive ) and the extra money never equaled the stress from living near teeming ghettos and kissing bosses/customers/wives asses.  I’m happier with four thousand a year than I am with forty.  Course, this White Boy don’t need a car, either.

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Anyway, not to veer too far off the subject path, after sufficient time has been spent listing and cataloging the eighty pounds worth of crap they think they will be better off with ( “dude, the kitchen sink very well COULD save my life.  I need it just in case.  And besides, it’s a lightweight titanium model” ), every once in a blue moon when the elusive florescent hued unicorn has been know to bay at the moon, someone desperate for subject matter will write on makeshift weapons that you can use in no-defense zones.  It hardly ever happens, of course, because high-cap magazine and other firearms and firearms accessories sellers are paying the bills at your friendly neighborhood Prepper Emporium and it isn’t really too profitable to stray from the money subjects.

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When I read about fire extinguisher sized red pepper bear spray, ancient Ornamental ninja weapons that used to be farm implements, rolling up a news magazine into a jujitsu stabbing weapon,  taking karate classes four nights a week after your thirteen hour day of commuting and working, or the infamous Walking Stick, I usually have about the same reaction.  Dude!  Why are you living in a place you can’t arm yourself?  Are you retarded or are you Special Ed?  If you can’t even carry a folding pocket knife ( which is by no stretch of the imagination a weapon but a tool.  Go ahead, I’ll wait while you stab a bone and try not to lose a few fingers ), you are at the wrong place.

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Yes, I understand some of you are living at the wrong place where the local Commissar won’t allow you to have a BB gun or even mace ( for goodness sakes, even the Soviets allowed the rural peasants a shotgun ).  If you are living in a under populated area of that jurisdiction, okay.  But if you double dog dincus’ed yourself by living in a Peoples Republic AND in a bad crime area, I have about zero sympathy for your dumbass.  You can TRY to carry a walking stick to defend yourself.  I hope you don’t get the thing shoved up your ass by a true badass.

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Your geriatric ass can shuffle around with a stick and odds are if you ever need to use it you will hit your opponent with the speed and strength of a bulimic girl.  You want a stick on your airplane flight?  WHY are you flying???? If the goons don’t kill your chances of procreating by using a mob connection low bid X-ray machine, the odds are good your plane is going down.  Every company out there is taking huge whacks out of quality control to save money to stave off bankruptcy, you are going to trust the airworthiness of an airplane!???!!!

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Forget Jerry Jihad with C-4 stuck up his rectum, the airline CEO wants to kill you.  Why are you going to let him?  For that matter, Bubba Blackass wants to Knock-Out Game your stupid ass until you bleed into your brain and stay a vegetable.  Why are you anywhere near his hood?  Are you so macho that you think you are going to be alright in enemy territory?  What does our favorite hillbilly say?  Stay Away From Crowds.  How hard is that?  I love the new normal of post-apocalypse fiction, where the Muslims ALWAYS strike at Small Town America because we aren’t expecting it.  This must be the excuse preppers need to feel good about staying in the big city.

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You would love to think that there are enough suicide bombers to do that, wouldn’t you?  Well, guess what.  There ain’t.  The leadership doesn’t waste the few they have.  They strike in the big cities.  You know, where most people live and where all the votes are generated.  The voters stay terrified and the government continues to bleed the treasury and weaken the countries military which has invaded Jihadland.  Blowing up West Podunk will illicit a giant yawn from the citified scumbags that view the rural areas as colonial resource areas with the occupants being mere voiceless peasants.

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Staying away from people means you radically decrease your chances of being attacked and you won’t need to resort to carrying stupid ass weapons.  I don’t plan on ever flying again, and the only way I’m weaponless is if I get called to jury duty ( It will only last a day, since I’ll declare my belief in Jury Nullification ).  In that case, I’m throwing the skinniest lawyer at the attackers and making my escape.  It would be pretty sweet if I could get to the judge and use her as a shield.

END ( today's related link http://amzn.to/2y2rPxi )


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