american hoarder

AMERICAN HOARDER

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note: Tales From The Green Valley episode 10 ( click here ), at the 21 minute mark.  Weeding sticks.  They might only be new to me, but I loved the concept.  Two sticks, one with a hook on the end, the other a V.  You hook behind a weed, then push the stalk over the hook into the ground.  Yank on the hook stick.  The weed pops out by the roots.
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note: Vudu streaming is offering "Day Of The Dead" free with ads ( the service makes you watch something like three minutes of ads per full movie-very reasonable ).
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Don’t they have cable shows on fools that hoard compulsively?  I feel like I am in one of those.  I can’t seem to ever stop hoarding.  You know, like when you tell yourself, okay, there is five years of wheat for everyone and I’m not buying anymore.  And you don’t, you’re really good, but then in a year or two you see the price go down and you are compelled to buy another years worth.  I’m bad like that, but I’m even worse, because I keep moving the sand in the line.  I keep redefining how much is a minimum. 

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Do you think I ever eat any of my old wheat?  I have stuff ( trash picked ) from the Eighties.  I know it is good, since after I pried off a rusted lid ( the old style square tin buckets ) to stash some silver coins in there I noticed no issues.  No smell, no bugs, everything still looks brand new.  Heck, I don’t even rotate.  I buy the new, then stash that, then buy more to eat currently ( I can’t believe I waited so long to start milling my own flour again.  This fresh stuff tastes so much better and my body craves it ).  Oh, and by the way, I’ve since moved the silver so kindly don’t come visiting and steal all my metal tin wheat buckets.

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Do I shoot my ammunition?  Heck no.  I keep stashing it.  I keep telling myself it is too expensive to “waste”.  Kindly don’t lecture me on the evils of practicing shooting only once every few years, I’m well aware.  Another reason to stick with my old Enfield arsenal-it’s what I have any muscle memory of.   I wonder if I’ve moved into a psychological debilitating state.  I won’t open a package of underwear or socks until my old stuff is gray in color or so full of holes I’m in danger of blisters, and then they go to the rag bin ( I do rotate-I heard cautionary tales of Great Depression Kids stocking items for so long they disintegrated upon opening ).

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Money, I do the same thing.  It was stressful almost to the point of illness when I dusted off the saving envelope to buy a dozen sheets of pressed board plywood.  I keep increasing the minimum I should have in savings.  It didn’t hurt as bad when I dipped into savings to buy wheat-to me a better savings account than cash.  Better than precious metals and even better than ammunition ( but only since I have enough already ).  But as with everything, the ammo minimum keeps getting moved up.  I find a good bargain or get extra in earnings and I buy the ammo.  Tell myself to go out shooting.  Then ignore my own memo.  Oops, sorry, new minimum for the Apocalypse, I’m not allowed to touch!

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I do the same with shoes or shirts or pants or even for goodness sakes pencils.  Now, that is bad enough, but you have to understand I’m doing this with FREE items.  I have a four gallon milk crate full of wasp spray, which I use as dog repellent.  I had been buying the two pack for $6 and going through them about once a year per can.  About the time I got the crate for free I had one can in reserve and one on my bike.  I used up the bike can, replaced it with the last bought can and that has been on my bike for about three years ( since I’m commuting to the B-POD less I use less ).  The last time I had to use it, about two months ago, I noticed the pressure was crap.

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If you get wasp spray to use on those devil dogs, keep in mind it might be technically illegal to do so.  I do it anyway.  Bear spray is $30 a can and out of my price range and pepper spray is $20, doesn’t last and has about a three foot range.  Wasp spray is a much better bargain.  But don’t buy generic and don’t buy Raid.  Get the other name brand which reaches further AND is cheaper ( I’m not evaluating the effectiveness on actual wasps ).  I don’t know how poisonous it is to dogs, they don’t drop in their tracks, but they do immediately lose interest in biting you.

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Well, as I was writing this I forced myself to get up and go change out the old can for a new one.  I’m so tight and frugal I embarrass myself, but I won’t knowingly be so cheap I endanger my life.  But, alas, that two month gap from when I SHOULD have changed it does remind me my subconscious can be tricking me into forgetting to stretch out the time between wallet openings.  It doesn’t always prevail.  I am very careful what I eat from the food bank.  Food poisoning is NOT worth even saving a nickel. 

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And, yes, you could say I might be endangering myself by failing to practice my shooting or trying out other stashed toys to avoid manufacture defects, and I acknowledge that.  I have been pinching pennies for so long that the habits are engrained and only overcome with tenacious contrariness.  But, on the other hand, however imperfectly I can’t begin to imagine how much better prepared I am compared to the norm.  I’m less  imperfectly prepared, as are we all in different aspects. 

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Another aspect of this is that I have learned to stretch out everything I own to the longest possible extent, or find work-arounds.  I own cases of notepads.  A hotel was re-branded and I got cardboard boxes full of those crappy paper notebooks ( I guess they give them out for scribbling phone messages on? ).  Yet, once again, I was afraid to use too many of them ( “this will be enough for the rest of my life-one less thing to buy!” ).  So I started taking junk mail and scavenging the blank non-slick parts for note paper.  It is all different sizes and doesn’t stack compactly so I have no interest in hoarding those.  So I find myself taking more notes about article ideas and filler and information.  Yes, I’m so cheap I relied on my failing memory to record great ideas, most forever lost.  Not anymore!

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Is all of this a cautionary tale or one from a braggart?  I don’t know.  I tend to think it all works out for me in the end, so often has Baby Jesus proved his love for me exclusively.  All my supposed negative habits or choices seem to reward me with dividends eventually.  Perhaps it is a bit of both.  Do as well but don’t get carried away.

END ( today's related link http://amzn.to/2zdGvLC )

 

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