sucking ass through a straw 2

SUCKING ASS THROUGH A STRAW 2

Well, big ta-do’s here at Bison’s crappy little corner of the desert.  Not only did I have that epiphany yesterday, it actually made me think.  I didn’t dismiss it or rationalize it away.  I actually recognized my own Normalcy Bias and took a stand.  No, you vile glob of grey goo!  I shan’t listen to your feeble attempts at swindling me!  Jesus, for decades the Little Brain dictated that I should show no restraint in getting laid, with no other considerations allowed, and them my Big Brain had me just going through the motions with no regard to reality.  It was wake up, go to work, exercise on the bike to work the best part of the work day, try to minimize job stress through writing after I got home, buying gobs of books I never read to reward myself for writing-it was a damn disgrace I tells ‘ya.  It was a wasted life.  I fight and claw and work two jobs for decades and in the end I’m sticking my thumb up my ass.  What am I waiting on, an engraved invitation to come up for air?  Well, yesterday’s writing wasn’t much more than just cranking out another standard article and normally it would have amounted to naught, but I guess it was the straw that broke the camels back.

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( get it?  Sucking ass through a straw, STRAW that broke the camels back?  No?  Damn, tough crowd tonight )

The NOL was feeling chatty yesterday when she got back from work and I wasn’t really feeling like burying my face in the computer just yet, so we got to yakking.  You know, just bitching about work to unburden.  And I started in on how I was about ready to tell work to bite me.  No big deal, a standard conversation.  Hell, I’ve had THAT conversation at least once a week for the last 34 years in my own head.  But I found out that NOL hadn’t even spent any of the rent money I’ve given her for the last two years, just putting it in savings.  And suddenly, there was the piece of the puzzle.  If she hadn’t been banking on my contribution, it wasn’t like me not working was a real big deal.  I mean, for my own pride, I have to help out.  It just wasn’t necessary that I do so completely monetarily ( I’m fit and virile and do the physical chores around the place as it is, eight years junior to the NOL and without arthritis ). 

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We soon get distracted with cooking and game time and reading and TV, and before you know it,  it is bed time.  Now, I have a hard time sleeping in and it isn’t often I can get over seven hours of sleep.  But I can fall asleep almost instantly and go back to sleep if awoken.  But last night, I laid wide awake with my little pea brain buzzing ( and let me tell you, I had no idea that darn pug/beagle could snore so frigging loud until I was subjected to it for two hours ).  I hadn’t been up like that for over eight years.  Well, I know the signal.  It is my subconscious telling me to stop humping around and take a leap of faith.  And this morning, only slightly punchy from lack of sleep, I put in my two weeks notice at work.  Finally.  After far too many years of being bespat upon and mistreated ( I still love the mission there, but the boss’ SUCK ).  No big deal, you say.  I’ve done it more than once and I’ve always found a job quickly to replace it.

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This time, however, I’m not looking for another.  It might come to that, the future is murky, but for now I am DONE with sucking ass through a straw as an employee.  I’ll be honest, I’m scared crapless.  I’ve never been without a paycheck every two weeks.  But I realized that what I wrote of yesterday was just more justification of the status quo.  Going to work with a worse attitude is still, in the end, just going to work.  I am still providing job security for the boss with my underpaid efforts ( it isn’t that I expect to be well paid at a non-profit.  It is the point that I shouldn’t work harder for less, AND still have to receive a ration of crap on top of that ).  I friggin hate that bitch-I haven’t had as bad of an incompetent corporate lacky boss since the military.  So, I’m working hard and sucking ass to help her out, why?  I was merely going to work through three decade old habit.  And I wasn’t living what I was preaching.

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I know for a gold plated fact that mass unemployment is just around the corner.  I’m convinced beyond all shadow of a doubt that economic meltdown is immanent.  No one will have jobs then, so why am I still working?  To save more money that won’t be worth spit soon?  I might only make half at writing that I did punching a clock, but I was saving almost half anyway, in anticipation of either company bankruptcy, local economic implosion after the mining sector tanked, or mass national economic collapse.  In the long run, I don’t lose anything by jumping into self-employment.  Only fear and habit kept me from leaping before.  The ex-wife was paid off in 2012, as was my land, as was the B-POD constructed from savings.  I’ve been a dumbass to work for others since then.  Well, except I got a LOT of preps done and I met the NOL at work, so it wasn’t as much a total waste as it was a misdirected conviction of habit. 

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Still, five years of putting up with the embarrassment of sucking ass through a straw when it was preventable.  Oh, well, supposedly better late than never.  So, here is the deal.  I’m going to start on the new house project to stay in shape physically, obviously.  I’m NOT going to give up this decades worth of muscle building until old age forces me to.  And I’m going to double up on my writing.  You’ll get Saturday’s now, so six days a week instead of five for the blog.  The rest of the time I’ll be writing books and or magazines.  They pay for crap, but I’ve got to make writing my day job now.  You have one week to buy any of my books you desire at the low price, then I’ll be raising the cost.  I’ll be a bit of a Mr. Mom ( of course, without the children that usually entails.  Just call me House Bitch ).  I can survive on $200 a month ( the average over the last few years I get from writing ) without Food Stamps and without too much of a rape of my savings ( $100 for a smidge of rent, electric and water-it was $240, and fifty in food-I’ll go back to eating whole wheat breakfast and lunch, and fifty for incidentals I can’t avoid such as bike parts, web site and e-mail fees, visiting my parents ).  I’m literally begging you here-PLEASE keep up your support by buying through the Amazon ads.  I’ll keep up my end of the bargain, by writing such as I have ( no selling out with lowest common denominator pabulum to catch more yuppie scum readers ), throw in an extra day’s article ( I’m hoping I don’t run out of ideas-if I do I’ll have to resort to “retro weekend” type articles that are rewritten but still based on another years ago ) and perhaps churn out fiction ( I promise, I’ve been researching proper instruction books so you get bonus items like a plot and character arcs ). 

( P.S.-I completely spaced what I had originally conceived as the continuation of yesterdays article.  Lack of sleep and eclipsing events.  I hope the two articles joined together adequately ).

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