convection oven

CONVECTION OVEN

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note: great book, well written ( just beware unexpected explicit sex starting about half way through, and a REALLY unexpected abrupt ending ).  A Lee-Enfield love fest as a bonus.  Zombie apocalypse but better done than almost all others, so don't let that stop you.
click here
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Now, I don’t know about you, but when I come across a recipe in the Unnamed Idahoan Yuppie Scum Survival Lite Blog, I quickly scroll down as I’m rolling my eyes and hollering about bitches and ho’s talking to each other about how to cook the best apocalypse dish for their extended families they procured with the blessings of their cult ( because if Muslims are popping babies like they are a jihad factory it is bad but if pearly white religious fanatics do the same it is all good ), wondering why I must be exposed to such fare when all I’d care to do is read about economics or how to blow things up.  In short, I’m not a big fan of recipes.  They certainly have their place, such as how to make a condiment for one sixtieth of the retail price ( remember the sweet and sour sauce? ).  And if you just generally describe how to make something, that isn’t a recipe ( such as my description on making nuke bread ) and is acceptable.

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Otherwise, recipes are like BOB lists.  They blow, and I want nothing to do with them on my blog.  So, with that strong caveat in mind, today we talk about convection ovens in general and greaseless French fries in particular.  Don’t worry, soon we shall return to imploding economies, oil wells drying up and the perils of MRE’s and semi-automatic weapons.  This was just something a little different that is usually on my mind almost every day.  It isn’t pertinent to post-apocalypse but for during the collapse after electric prices triple or sextuple.  You don’t think that is going to happen?  You think a kilowatt hour won’t reach a buck even as minimum wage stays the same and unemployment reaches 50% ( reported as a manageable 7.8765% by the elite )?  Jane, you optimistic slut!  Of course it will.  And then you’ll be happy you had both another way to prepare a starch food AND the means to cook far more cheaply.  Okay, I know you can cook outside with cast iron on the rocket stove.  As I said, this is for prior to the 100% off grid living.

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You can probably find cheap convection ovens in thrift stores all day long.  We got a free one that had hardly been used, but never used it ourselves-even last summer when it got too hot to use the regular oven-as it was old timey and felt like it was made out of thick glass and cast iron.  Which is good.  It was built to last ( Betty Crocker brand ).  I think we just didn’t want to deal with a new learning curve at the time, even if we were also adverse to hauling and cleaning such a monster.  But then, I got a birthday gift from my NOL’s ( newbie acronym alert: New Old Lady-the latest common law wife in my collection ) daughter, a brand spanking new “Air Fryer”.  A few weeks prior I had seen one in Wally and quickly passed it by after seeing the hundred dollar price tag.  It was still in the “just past being advertised on late night TV” high price phase ( too many items of cheap construct and dubious engineering are sold such and the high price tag is indicative of ad cost rather than intrinsic worth ).  Needless to say, I was pleased as punch.  The daughter is such a sweetheart, a 180 difference from the last one I had inherited, and enjoys spending her husbands money even after I begged her to not expensive gift me ( who wants to be reminded they are a year closer to the coffin at this age? ).  She nicely told me to shut up as the giving is her enjoyment.  Okay, twist my arm!

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So, being genuinely grateful because of the cost, I threw in a batch of frozen French fries ( no, Senator, I won’t call them Freedom Fries, you insufferable twat ) right after I opened the gift.  It would have been rude if I’d just placed it back in the box and promised I’d one day use it.  Well, let me tell you, I’ve NEVER, and I mean never in all my days, not even when my heatburn could still handle using the Fry Daddy, tasted as good of a frozen fry, EVER.  Frozen French fries are to fries as a frozen budget burrito is to a just made soft taco with steak and cilantro and sour cream.  Frozen fries never taste good.  Mainly we buy a bag or three when they are on sale and they sit for months in the freezer, saved for a day when neither of us wants to cook ( besides being deliciously busty, the NOL is a damn fine cook.  I try to keep encouraging that by relieving her at the kitchen several times a week ) and fish sticks and fries in the oven are all we can muster the energy for.  I never look forward to eating them, they are just fuel.  But with the Air Fryer-Momma Mea!

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When same said daughter visits with us ( she lives ten miles down the road ) and brings her lunch from McDonalds, she always gives me her leftover fries ( eyes STILL being larger than her stomach even at this late age ).  Now, I despise Micky D’s as their crap is Pink Slim and sawdust and no matter what I eat it upsets my stomach badly.  Except for the chicken nuggets and the fries.  I won’t buy there but I’ll eat from there, and while McDonald’s fries are no where near as good as they used to be they are still tasty even lukewarm.  If you need to nuke them, they are tolerable.  All other fast food places have fries that are only good hot and fresh ( except Wendy’s who are under a total embargo from me, due to the Great Colossal Frosty Hump You Of 2007 where the once almost-a-meal-onto-itself chocolate frosty went from a dollar to $1.29 and shrunk by two thirds if not more.  I gave them one last chance a few years ago when their fries went to skin-on and they blew that as they tasted like, literally, dirt.  I thought it was just me and asked around and that did indeed seem to be the consensus ).  When I put the Mickies fries in the Air Fryer, they came out tasting brand new.  Yum!  Much better than the microwave.

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As you might be able to tell, I value my French fries almost as much as I do my coffee.  We continue tomorrow.

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