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Wednesday, December 24, 2014

krampos delivers bran


KRAMPOS DELIVERS BRAN

Rob, you wonderful minion SOB-excellent care package!  Most pleasantly shocked!  Happy Festivus!
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Krampos ( spelling? ) is the German folk tale character who is the real, evil Santa Claus.  The good kids get gold coins, the slightly bad get whipped and the worse get taken away to get eaten.  I love that evil bastard, so much more of a believable motivator for good behavior than the made up to cash in commercially Santa.  In fact, Santa can take all his presents and reindeer, roll them up into a little ball and shove them up his ass.  God bless us, everyone, but I hate and despise Christmas.  Yes, we are all materialistic, greedy and consumer driven.  363 days out of the year.  Do we really need ANOTHER day to celebrate that?  One that tries to outdo the rest of the year combined?  And yes, I did enjoy the day for the kids, when they were young.  But even then, I was deluding myself.  I was helping to train mindless consuming drones in my image, and lied to myself that it was a magical time for them.  Sure, the first time they were cognizant of it.  After that, it was unrealistic expectations all year, to the point they couldn’t possibly be happy about the less than perfect reality.  We don’t get that crap enough as adults?  We have to pass that poison on to our kids?

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Look at how we seek Christmas miracles in all things in our lives.  Marriage is never perfect because it is sold as a picture book romance rather than a partnership greater than the sum of its parts as long as both people take responsibilities.  In reality, our society loathes responsibility and to avoid it uses the lack of romance as an excuse to end the relationship ( if I ever hear “I love you but I’m not IN love with you” I don’t know if I can be held responsible for my actions ).  Look how we seek happiness at our job, thinking it confers nobility, purpose and social status.  Dude, we are all prostitutes.  A better paid whore just means they don’t die from a disease as soon as the corner walkers.  Look how we have ever increasing expectations, yesterdays luxuries now necessities, ever newer luxury always being sought, just as a child at Christmas always wanting and needing newer and better and more.  My only bright spot this Christmas was the blind corporate adherence to policy produced a funny as Hell aside.  The Food Bank receives a yearly food donation from a well-to-do grocery store ( Rally’s/Bell-Aire/Nob Hill ).  The customers there spend $10 to donate to us a $20 bag of groceries, the store making up the difference.  At the end of the Christmas season we get pallet after pallet of cases of canned and dry goods ( and a few at the beginning of December ).  Rice, pasta sauce, tuna, etc.  Well, a short time ago, it was decided that rather than making all that last all year long as we had been doing, all those items were going to be put in a Christmas food box and given to our clients.  It isn’t just to the homeless any more, but mainly to low income families.  It was kind of retarded, giving spaghetti sauce for Christmas dinner, but nobody ever asks me, being a testicle wearer and all ( all the bosses are women ).  There was still plenty left over to last the next year, but it was just a huge waste of time and an embarrassment.  Well, this year we got boxes of cereal, so that was included in the Christmas Dinner Box.  Bran pellet cereal.  The nastiest, foulest breakfast concoction ever.  Krampos would be proud of that Christmas punishment.

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16 comments:

  1. We do indeed think alike about this capitalistic celebration of pagan ritual.
    At least my wife and I made a pact some time ago that only prep type gifts were to be bought for holy jebus day.
    Although she still goes apeshit crazy with the decoration stuff. Es okay I suppose

    You have proven to me that a special day such as Christmas is not necessary for the great oracle of Helko to be generous. I still stand humbled....

    May you have an up coming Happy New Year, my friend !!

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    1. Thank you, if I pull my head out of my ass I can make the next year much better. If.

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  2. http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2013/12/131217-krampus-christmas-santa-devil

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  3. I think you were going for Krampus. As far as working under the fairer sex, I was in the first forward deployed navy command that had a 49 percent female component. That was not nice. I found the best way to deal with the female khakis (officers and senior enlisted) was to hit on them. Most of the time it worked. Even got me off active reserve waay early, but she was a rare cutie and worth the effort either way. Anyhow, Happy holidays and be safe great one.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. :) That is how I get most of our donors to love me and give us more. Flirting. We both know its harmless but they appreciate the attention. PS, I don't do this with the guy donors.

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  4. I was pretty darn young when I realized that no matter how good I was all year long, Santa loved the rich kids better than he loved me.

    Our family has really scaled back on the presents. The little kids get some stuff, but it's pretty low key for the rest of us.

    Only had one woman boss. I was told her husband was the boss, but quickly figured out who was in charge. That was the job where I learned how good it can feel to just walk away from a bad situation, even without anything else lined up. Of course, i was young and single then.

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    1. And not only did rich spawn get better/more X-Mas, they kept all the good candy mom and dad didn't hand out at the door. Don't get me started on rich pukes.

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  5. Could I ask you to please suspend your feelings about Christmas briefly and bestow a Christmas present on your loyal minions...in the form of another chapter of Loco Gringos? Thanks!

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    1. You're lucky the sun won't come out, or I'd already have finished chapter ten. Hint: it's the end of the book.

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    2. Wow! That's going to be one looooonnngggg chapter!! In it, our heroes will have to vanquish MZBs (Mutant Zombie Bikers), obtain and fuel a proper bugout vehicle, bug out from their locale to Idaho (come on, who can survive in Elko? Sheesh!), see the light and dump their Enfields for ARs, fight off the Golden Horde, and quickly master a plethora of skills from animal husbandry to how to perform their own surgeries so they can be accepted into a "proper" retreat. Come on, LB - they can't just survive, they have to THRIVE!!!

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    3. I needed a chuckle first thing monday. Thanks :)

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  6. I suppose it could be used in the stuffing?

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  7. May your locks ever shine like a crow's wing Lord Bison. Can you divert any of this food to your own use? Better you than a welfare parasite!

    Hail Darwin

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    Replies
    1. I only partake in the perishables, when in surplus. No use getting fired over a generic can of beans.

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