getting anal-post 1 of 2 today

GETTING ANAL

No, this post is not about toilet paper. In fact, if its a choice between calories or TP, I think there should be a ban on TP ( and bottled water, frankly ) until every grocery store in the land is groaning under the weight of dry foods. If that happens. One of two things will happen. My nightmare inducing normal everyday paranoia is justified and we are all going to die, or the Grand Solar Minimum folks are full of crap and Go 'Murica, Capitalism, and in the weeks the public is confined to quarters the Great Replenishment happens. My vote ( not my first choice ) is doom. My hope is I'm badly mistaken.

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I don't care if I'm wrong. What harm is there? You bought some more ammo, or food. You can never have enough. You got junk land. So what? Vacation and retirement. But let us be realistic. You all do NOT need me to call the apocalypse or not. You are reasonable intelligent minions. Perhaps some of you must move your lips when you read my words, but I don't think those types get information from blogs. YouTube is more their speed. But, OY! Some of the YouTubers right now! Shut the Hell up already, simple humps dropped on their heads as babies, no, we do in fact NOT want to listen to you streaming for two hours. You have at most ten minutes of information.

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Always with the taunting headline, but when we start to listen you are blah, blah, hello Stephanie, hello, John, glad you are joining us and let me tell you about the dog turds I picked up this morning and Get To The Damn Point Already! This is entertaining to the newly unemployed? They don't want a video on coppicing or middle ages farming or something to fill up the idle hours? Analysis is all fine and well, but don't make it into a full time job waiting for your nuggets of wisdom.

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Anyway, talk about running at the mouth like a rabid dog, this article is about becoming anal compulsive. No one likes That Guy. NOT the life of the party. And look, I won't even make any jokes about those Jarheads and their programming. My magnanimous nature once again displayed for awe and inspiration. But, it is time to get serious about resource management. The logistics is probably toast. Now it is just about managing what you have. It is time to Stop, Drop, and Roll. Roll up all those pretty pony lifestyle assumptions of abundant cornucopias into a tight little ball and stick them where the sun don't shine.

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Once it began to look like the trucks were not keeping up with quarantine shoppers, I went Full Retard on Operation Tight Ass. Time to start acting like I'm actually dipping into my never to be replenished stockpiles. My beautiful hair that is the envy of the doom-o-sphere? Gone. Out with the High And Tight, in with the one size buzz cut. Less soap is now needed washing my hair. You might not think that will make a sizable difference, but then, you are a Fracking Forever Fanboy, an Optimistic Ollie and a lackey of Red Shield, aren't you? It makes ENOUGH of a difference, one tiny sliver of soap at a time.

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Just a few days after my last toilet paper find, the bottle bidet was rolled out and has been in use every time. I still indulge in the luxury of a tiny squares of TP to first remove solids and last to soak up most of the water ( and double check my efforts ), but it is ten percent of my former use. I won't skimp so much I endanger health. That is a wee bit important right now. Dish soap was already homemade laundry soap, which doesn't foam, but the NOL insists on SOME store bought dish soap in the mix. I started refilling the dispenser, so it went from a 50/50 mix to a one third store bought to two thirds homemade.

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I had been using a napkin to pre-clean my cowboy coffee pan ( cowboy coffee eliminates most of the acid, which I need to do with my heartburn. And I am cutting back on the Tums by eating zero junk food. Nothing processed, and then only tomatoes need an antacid ), but I cut that out. The only difference is floating coffee scum in the pot full of dishwater. And I don't even NEED paper napkins. I talked NOL into cloth ones years ago. I don't need them for TP, either. It is just a desire to work on eliminating sloppy habits.

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The down side of course is that I have to really bite my tongue with the other members of the Dysfunctional Award Finalist Tribe. No TP to be had anywhere, and certain Coneheads are STILL wasting it as if a TP Fairy is going to drop some off tonight. I cannot say anything at this point, as I cannot threaten them with food restrictions, and if I employ corporal punishment I'll be arrested. So whenever I am “blessed” with their visits I lose a half roll of TP. Grrr! It is a tragedy of the commons play every time.

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I love rolling potato wedges in breading to get a delicious dish ( the days of grease drenched tators are sadly over ), and you all know how exasperating it is when there isn't enough flakes to coat the item. It is normal to bury under the breading to ensure complete coverage. But, no more wasting! I have to be rather niggardly with my use and so must carefully place a small amount in the rolling dish, then constantly add a little bit more. I do NOT take the attitude of “just use it up and enjoy it while you can” ( while tators last, sadly )

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I'm trying to make everything last. Tiny, baby sips of the mouthwash. A bare smear of the toothpaste. Carefully measured out ( yes, I use an actual measuring spoon ) sugar in the coffee ( and a carefully measured out amount of coffee ). I'm even putting my socks on more carefully to get a few more uses from it as it becomes holey. Now, to be fair, being a tightass financially, all of this was at least touched on pre-Virus, even if not religiously adhered to. I've just become WAY more focused and dedicated.

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I'm even being more careful to not waste my scratch paper, which is all from the mail in the trash. As I said, if I'm wrong, great. This will simply be another amusing story to tell. But if I'm right, this is a great start on husbanding my resources.

( .Y. )

( today's related Amazon link click HERE )

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note: I'm more excited than a teenager in a whore house!  My son is working at home in his underwear, was getting bored and started exploring the family tree.  My grandfather was from Sparks Nevada ( until the war, where he most likely stayed afterwards, in California ), but even better, my great grandmother was from Elko Nevada!  How cool is that?  Perhaps a small reason why I've felt at home here, family roots?  It isn't THAT exciting until you realize how few people lived here back in the day, and how I got here by accident ( good ads on E-Bay for land ).  
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note: I don't agree with 50% of this, but the other half is pretty scary.  Made more so by the fact YouTube obscured the search for it rather well.  "We have no food for you" HERE 
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note: well, I'm a slow learner but not a moron.  Second day in a row I'm out walking and questionable gentlemen try invading my personal space at 4:30 AM.  Far less cars on the road today than yesterday.  I guess I'll be hopping on the exercise bike for ten minutes first thing, to wake up, then go walking as it starts getting light out.  90% sure if I wasn't armed this morning it wouldn't have ended as well.
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note: Amazon is getting weird with its algorithm which used to recommend books based on other buyers choices, but now is using your own history.  Not sure what that means.  Even the sponsored books aren't related, as if they are running out of folks buying ads and are desperate to make a sale.  Why am I surprised things are going off the rails?
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