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Wednesday, October 1, 2014

deep fried stick turds


DEEP FRIED STICK TURD

From a cantankerous but hilarious minion, who came up with survivalist hucksters selling you turds on a stick with the selling point being your choice of the volume of salt, I am inspired to present today Deep Fried Turds On A Stick.  While salt is all well and good and helps most of the population choke down a lot of foods that blow chunks-which might be why we eat so much of the stuff- if you deep fry something, almost anything, it makes peasant food taste like a kings banquet.  Not many folks in their right mind eat slimy snot like okra unless it is deep fried ( I think they put it in gumbo or some damn thing, but the whole dish looks as appetizing as a toilet bowl after a case of botulism if you ask me ).  When you try to sell Eskimos refrigerators or middle class quivering cubes of fear night vision goggles so they actually see darker hued barbarians invading their neighborhoods, you are selling salted sticked turds.  That is where the amateurs are separated from the professionals.  They just use fear.  That is elementary school basic.  No class, no finesse.  The next step up would be to wait outside a breast augmentation clinic and grab the first skank whose face wouldn’t stop a truck, throw her in a bikini and have her hold your product in front of a camera.  Fear and boobs ( but NOT fear OF boobs, obviously ). 

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The professionals ignore fear ( and most likely, at least in this industry, make liking boobs a sin ) and step up their game.  They sell a fantasy lifestyle ( a fantasy lifestyle without boobs?  Okay, I’ll stop now ).  In the 70’s, survival products were offered to a slightly lower economic class.  It wasn’t just fallout shelters being hawked anymore.  For the first time, survivalism became big business and it was sold to the population at large.  It went mainstream.  Anybody could now prep to survive the collapse.  It still wasn’t cheap, but it wasn’t just “only the rich are allowed to survive”.  You could, looking hard enough, find someone selling outside that message.  But it was mostly still about fear-mongering.  Not without reason, of course.  It was a scary time.  The innovation then was to broaden the appeal.  The only other innovation seen today is to go back to the time of the suburban fallout shelter and advertise to the more affluent.  The products and product presenters might pretend to cater to everyman, but ten minutes into the material says otherwise.  The main selling point, what is new today, is the fantasy being sold- not the fear.  You are entering a la-la land where unicorn farts glitter and a middle class lifestyle will forever be yours amidst the radioactive rubble if you only spend lavishly today on all the boy boys being offered for your perusal.  Baby Jesus weeps.

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4 comments:

  1. The target audience for the marketing changed because the game plan did not change, but the economics of the game plan did. If after WWII you were freaked out about living in the city as a nuke target and wanted to get away to a nice rural retreat, farm land was (adjusted for inflation) about $600 per acre (1950) whereas in the same inflation adjusted dollars it was $2,200 per acre around 2011. Same for housing beyond the land costs- about $9K per year spent in 1950 on housing and comparable housing costs about $15K per year now in inflation adjusted dollars. In short, the same game plan in 1950 (or 1960, or 1970) for a rural retreat was affordable to a lot more people in the past. Now, that same model costs too much for most citizens, even before you factor in all the new techno toys. So, if you are pushing the same game plan, you have to target people who can afford it.

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  2. I don't appreciate being called cantankerous. I prefer the term "asshole".

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I must moderate-trust me. You don't want to see what happens otherwise. Sometimes it takes awhile to respond as I only check two or three times a day. No N-Bombs, nothing to get me libeled. Otherwise, have at it. If you criticize me, make sure to praise my hair first.