GUEST ARTICLE
( article 1 of 2 today )
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Teh Best
It is I, Dingo, yet again talking your ear off about stuff you have already taken on board. I'm the guy that rocks up to the party after it started and leaves before it ends so you associate me with the party rocking!
Today I want to talk about teh best. We all want teh best. Teh best Gat, Teh best car. We want to train in Teh best kung-fu under mohamed-Bruce-ali whilst downing Teh best protein shake that gaurantees results in 5 days or your money back. Honest injun!
Well we all know that lifes about trade offs. You could have scored that 10 back in the day "when you were young". Yeah, you could have *IF you were swole, had deep pockets, flowing hair that SAMSON himself would envy, and 9 inches and an air of confidence that said "If you're lucky I'll bang you but you know? I'm about to pilot my jet rocket". So you settled for the person who settled for your ugly mug and "how am I going to get home tonight?" budget. Nothing wrong with that. I'm just saying that Teh best often goes to Teh best. Like attracts like. Birds of a feather and all that.
I take it that many of us Minions have forgone the idea of Teh Best apocolypse set up and we've realised that saving up for the FLIR scope so we can fight off the night incursions of the Trailer Park Militia is a fools errand. Everything appears to be coming to a head. The earths magnetic poles are playing up, crazies in the tech world are saying "you think bad thoughts. No internet or banking for you", historically challenged morons think that we should give socialism a real go this time. No really. Real socialism has never been tried. 27th time is a charm. Am I the only one not taking crazy pills?
So time is-a-ticking. You need your end-of-the-world stockpile NOW. Got Rice? Got a Gat? Got food for the Gat? Got a water filter? Got a grinder? You don't need freeze dried - you need food. You don't need a full auto .50cal assault sniper force recon AR-15 - you need a boom stick that'll ruin a bad guys day & don't forget the ammo for it. No good having 100 rounds when there are so many clowns around. You get the idea. As I said, I'm not saying anything new. Teh best is what you have at hand when you need it. Bad guys at the door? A SAS trooper would be sweet to have your back. But dang, he's in Dingoland and you're all the way over there in Trumpland. So you're going to have to let your old lady have your back and she's kinda wishing she paid attention when you tried to show her how to operate your single shot .22lr. Not Teh Best but if she plugs you, well sucks to be you.
Teh best is also a bit of a fools errand. I've got a whole pile of knives. Each one I put a lot of thought and research into. A Gerber LMF I spent hours researching. It's perfect. Once I owned it I found it IS perfect. Perfectly heavy to carry all day, perfectly innappropriate when bush wacking. Makes me look like an Army wannabe. My AK-47 Bayonet? It's looking for an AK-47 to be mounted to. Short of that WTF am I going to do with it? I kept buying knives trying to find Teh Best. So much money wasted.
Same with Gats (the fun part of preparing for armageddon). Hours of research and thinking. Debating online bla bla bla. Buying and then selling. Lots of misallocated resources. Did I have enough food whilst doing all that? Does anyone have enough food? We eat every day.
So get squared away with the basics and save Teh Best for the Rawles crowd whilst following Bison Strategy the best you can. When the magnetic poles shift, we lose power (forever) and the ice age begins in earnest, race out of your caravan with your .303 at the low ready bayonet fixed and if you see a fatty fat fat with a terrible hair cut (hey! fatties have feeling to) gasping for air as he rushes out of his hobo shack with a GP Greener 12g martini action - give that guy a nod of recognition that he's got enough calories stored around his gut, and wheat berries squirelled away that he's not going to try and steal yours. The guy that leaps from his Hummer with the AR-73? Let that guy have it – both barrels (303’s are double barrelled in my fantasy world). He’s already out of food and your BTN missus is looking dang fine today
/end of transmission
I'm just going to hunker down in my Spud shelter...with a shit ton of pre positioned claymores. Who needs boolits n gats ?
ReplyDeleteClaymores are tight!
DeleteUmmm... how does one go about qualifying as a 'BTN missus'? Is there some sort of test? An application fee? For residents of California, how long does it take for the background check?
ReplyDeleteAsking for a friend.
Better Than Nothing usually covers Fat and Ugly. But, you can substitute almost any unwanted attribute. A Pink Hat Cat Lady would be a BTN.
DeleteI wrote that tongue in cheek cause I'm certainly no oil painting.
DeleteIn 100% fairness I'll recount the story about the man who searched for the perfect woman. He new in his heart she existed. He searched the whole world for her. Many times he came close. But also, each one came up wanting. To short, an annoying personal tick etc.
Then, just as he was about to give up he found her. He was right. The perfect woman does exist. Only thing was she was looking for the perfect man :-)
It's one of my favorite stories I like to say whenever someone rages on about how there's no good (wo)men left.
Guys don't get paid for their looks. Gals do. I SHOULD get paid for my hair, but life is fundamentally unfair.
DeleteFor everyday cutting tasks, an Old Hickory kitchen boning knife will do just fine. Carbon steel which means it won't hold an edge for long, but it will sharpen up very easily too. Fancy knives don't cut any faster than a cheapie - its the edge that cuts.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I'm only just starting to appreciate about knives is the method of carrying them. The cheap mora is very popular in Bush crafting circles but everyone whines about the sheaf
DeleteSometimes it's the little things that make all the difference
You wouldn't think that a grown adult had spent a week thinking about this article before bashing it out & submitting it in a rush to beat the self imposed deadline.
ReplyDeleteBut you guys know what I meant. I hope anyway.
Sheesh, the article sounded so much better in my head.
You're being too critical of yourself. I went YEARS churning out less than perfection, and I still revert to that sometimes such as complete mental lock up. All skills take practice. Relax
Deletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN-aXzpQUdw
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ReplyDeleteWatch it! No ones hair can approach my glory.
DeleteKnifes is funny, like peeples. All different types, looks, feels, but they all do pretty much the same thing. They cut stuff. Will a tanto blade cut as well as a drop point? Yes, if you know how to use it properly and have done so thousands of times.
ReplyDeleteBeen collecting knives most of my life ever since my ol gray haired pappy gave me a Barlow when I was but a skid mark. I lost that Barlow somewhere along the way but never missed it cause I'm always buying more. Some people stock wheat berries, I stock knives. And other stuff.
The knife has to feel comfortable in your hand, while you're using it. In the store, under the hypnotic effect of the lights and the muzak they all feel perfect. Then you're out on the dock cutting through that 2" nylon bull rope, sawing back and forth, laying serious ass into and suddenly you're aware that a certain place on that handle is causing your hand great duress. Yep, that knife will land in the drawer and you'll start searching for another. Like a purty ho, they look nice "up front" but when you try em out they might be something else. There is no cure for this ailment.
"Up front", get it? hee hee hee
Currently my main carrier is a Gerber Fast Draw with a fine edge style of blade, no serrations please. https://www.amazon.com/Gerber-Knife-Assisted-Opening-22-47162/dp/B000EDRTVQ?&tag=amazon-19-20
Right. No serrations. I got saws for sawing. Knifes for knifin. Don't need no combos that fail on both fronts. There's that word "front" again. As Dan Quayle said, "The mind is a terrible thing."
I'm fairly happy with it, does everything I need but you know what? I'll throw that bitch in the drawer with the others if something else strikes my fancy. I ain't married to it you know.
But one thing that never changes here on the ghost ranch is the Buck Ranger 112 that is always in my right ass pocket vertical next to my wallet. Started this habit back in the army days in the 70's and never stopped. I usually have at least 2 knives on me. Never know. Last year when I went to the SS office the security asshole inside watched me walk across the parking lot and as soon as I entered he accosted me and said I have to leave my knife in the vehicle. From the far off he saw my Gerber clip on my right front pocket. No problem. He never seen my Buck in my back pocket.
I lost my original Ranger when it fell out of my pocket while sleeping in the median strip on I-5 in northern Calif when I was hitch hiking from Seattle to LA back in 1980. But I've purchased a few more since. Incidently, a few years ago I snapped the point off a Ranger a few years ago and found out if you send it to them, and a $10 bill, they will fix the whole thing up better than new and send it back to you with return shipping included. The one they sent me looked brand new. You can't beat that with a stick.
Buck Ranger 112. The only knife I can truly recommend for life, because I have had one for most of my life, and experience don't lie.
Not sure if I ever ran across that Quayle quote before. Damn, that is good!
DeleteI remember "potatoe". Hell, at least we remember him. Who is the VP now? Better a dozen Quayle's than one Gore.
Delete