yuppie scum 1 of 2

YUPPIE SCUM

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Pretty much THE best Christmas movie of all time, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation ( I wasn’t at all impressed with the other Vacation movies.  The first one had its moments like grandma on the roof and the dog tied to the bumper, but the rest of the movie was forgettable.  The recent remake of the first was actually much better.  The others, European and Vegas, all blew chunks ), did a very good job of making fun of Yuppies ( one of the few roles Seinfeld’s Elaine did well in, besides of course her Elaine, but then none of the actors were all that good in other roles.  The multiple interactions made them all better.  Wasn’t Danny Glover better with Mel than without him? ).  Unfortunately for this country, Yuppies not only took over the place, they act like the Griswold’s now.  I can’t think of a sadder commentary or a more indicative trend for our collapse.  The movies prototypical Yuppie Scum were fussy about their food, squeamish about sex, distasteful of those earning less and wasteful in their shopping habits.  Sound familiar?

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The Griswold’s were just your typical family, even if living next door to the Better Off, with bratty kids and an unsatisfactory insecure job and money problems and dysfunctional in-laws and desperately trying to keep sanity intact.  Sound familiar?  Both sets of behavior pretty much describe Yuppie Scum today.  Gone is the glamour, remaining are all the negative traits.  You now have the not quite right in the head in-law pumping RV sewage down the storm drain in front of the McMansion you are trying to make look magical with extra Christmas lights, while you get screwed out of your holiday bonus.  Now we just wait for the sewer gas to ignite and explode.  Not to detract from the movie.  Don’t watch it now and think of civilization collapse.  Just look at it as the Hollywood highlight of Yuppies.  Now the condition is so entrenched and normal it doesn’t warrant a mention, second glance or any pondering.  Yuppie Scum are everywhere.  Now there are so many McMansions and SUV’s that NOT seeing them causes social commentary. 

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As we edge closer to the edge ( which, amusingly, won’t be discernable until we actually look back over our shoulder and see what we just plunged over ) in our waterfall collapse, it seems that the masses cling ever more fanatically to the empty markers of a once successful life.  The mortgage is too high but the property is the minimum we are willing to live on, so the new suburban septic system ( necessitated by the distance from the infrastructure.  I’ve seen new Yuppie subdivisions go up with both individual septic AND a communal well, yet with no discernable savings in the selling price ) which eventually fills up as the family goes through a minimum of two rolls of toilet paper a day ( what we don’t see magically takes care of itself ) and then can’t be dredged in a timely manner as the bill can’t be placed on the maxed out credit card, we wishfully ignore the unaffordability of our lifestyle.  And Yuppie Scum, so removed from reality because not only is this the lifestyle they deserve, but also the only one they can conceive of,  are some of the first to loudly proclaim that Damn The Cost, they need full medical and dental coverage. 

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When it isn’t unusual that a family medical plan equals the cost of the mortgage, the mortgage not necessarily unreasonable except for the addition of property tax which now equals half of what renting an apartment went for not all that long ago, and insurance which can equal the tax, it might be time to start questioning your basic lifestyle choices.  Number one, your mortgage is merely a vehicle wherein the bankers get a bailout guarantee from the federal government and so have no problem making it as large as possible, thereby enabling the local tax authorities to collect more bribes, so you aren’t buying home equity but simply banker profit, and number two, you aren’t buying a home anymore but rather renting it from a joint criminal enterprise comprised of the county and the bankers.  And medical insurance isn’t even insurance anymore but a compulsory tax that you pay to the bankers with ZERO guarantee of medical care ( remember that quaint notion of a “deductible”, exceeding the amount that over half of American’s DON’T have in savings ), and if you do actually get treatment it is guaranteed to be so substandard that a medical vacation to Cuba using its socialized medicine would be an improvement.

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Just on the two above mentioned conditions, I think you can safely conclude Yuppie Scum Lifestyles are hard to achieve.  Medical and real estate industry implosions are relatively new, less than ten years old.  Most mortgage holders are still underwater and most people, insurance holders or not, can’t get medical care without bankrupting themselves.  And that is the BEGINNING of those industries collapse.  Isn’t this civilization collapse a pot full of giggles?  Wait until the fun stuff like civil war and famine start up.  Yuppie Scum, Super Gluing Wal-Mart cracked plastic furniture together to keep up the façade of prosperity, haven’t a clue.  They leave their ten year old Thirty Year Guarantee shingles which are already leaking yet another year before repairs.  They slap a fresh coat of paint on the fence hoping the Homeowners Association doesn’t fine them $900, while letting the front steps which had too many rocks added to the cement crumble.  While the wife who doesn’t work uses a second car to go shopping everyday while eating lunch at McDonald’s, wondering if this quarter they will actually get a bonus at the husbands job or if they can take out a third loan on the house equity. 

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No one expects normal people to beware an apocalypse.  Be thankful they don’t or prep supplies would be more expensive as would rural land.  Those government blatant lies we all squeal about?  It doesn’t matter if they are easily proved lies.  What matters is Joe Average Yuppie Scum believes it, just as he believes Fracking Oil Independence.  If anyone panicked they would stop wasting money on mortgages and medical insurance.  Joe Scum doesn’t read, or peruse unapproved web sites, and he certainly will never have cause to stumble upon this blog ( being blacked out is preferable to being whistleblower rubbed out, so lack of notoriety is a good thing ), so it is full steam ahead and balls to the wall, no point in questioning the prevailing wisdom.  You know, the social construct that called for the advisability of taking on those mortgages and working in those crime riddled cities.  We are all social animals, it is true, but you don’t have to be an unthinking social animal.  Can’t you figure out how to live the lie without paying for it?

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For the cost of a mortgage on a regular house, you could be making payments on a trailer park ( not an established one, charging you for the tenants already there, but one you build.  Come on!  It’s a few trenches for water and sewer lines, electric plug-ins and some gravel.  How hard is that? ).  Not that being in debt for your home is a good thing, or that you’ll outlive the mortgage on it, but it is thinking outside the box, getting a mortgage to go from debt to investment and giving yourself an excuse to be successful while living like poor people.  Why do you need a car?  Rich people eat organic and ride bikes for health and environmental consciousness.  Pretend to be a Gore Groupie.  Pretending to be a Yuppie Scum isn’t about money, it is about presentation.  You just need to look greedy, lazy and like a consumerist.  I suppose Yuppies were inevitable, as were their descendents.  When the economy went from manufacturing to financials,  our manufactured goods went from tangible to intangible.  Our products went from performance to presentation.  Why wouldn’t the successful in our new economy mirror that?  Form over function isn’t just selling smoke to the rubes but also using less of our dwindling resources to allude to wealth.  Yuppie Scum can use the excuse that they were inevitable. 

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But being a Yuppie Scum in reality rather than just as social camouflage is retarded.  I hate Yuppies, as you might imagine, as they are pretentious asswhores who assume they are my betters, and I hate Yuppie Survivalists because they are just buying the illusion of quasi-independence with their shopping lists of magic talismans, but I REALLY hate folks who should know better, who should be smarter than that, still going along for the ride.  If you are faking it to appease the wife, living the lie but not meaning it ( for instance, by being out of debt because you never charged anything on plastic past thirty days, paying the mortgage off early which wasn’t too bad because you bought smarter or luckier, and using your high income for preps and a vacation/retreat rather than racing towards bankruptcy against the Joneses ), that is one thing.  I can respect that.  My NOL presents a front of Yuppie-ness even though she was no more than a independent house cleaner investing in real estate as a form of savings, able to pull it off as she bought in a huge dip as local prices crashed, but she is the furthest thing from Yuppie Scum.  I can barely get her to go shopping for grocery sales, let alone any type of consumerism.  Tomorrow we finish up.

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