WNTBTTA 5

WHAT NOT TO BRING TO THE APOCALYPSE 5

5) I’m not sure if I even have to bring this one up, it should be so obvious, but one really just never knows.  Here you are at a redneck cocktail party ( sitting on the porch at Joe Bob’s drinking beers, if employed, or moonshine, if not ) trying to figure out how many times it takes a newborn baby to be dropped on their head before they are capable of growing up and voting for someone like Hilary, and the inevitable apocalypse reference comes up.  If your only exposure to the topic of survivalism has come from zombies, you don’t want to be showing your ass by bringing up The Walking Dead.  The best second alternative you can think of is “Rambo”, the first movie.  You seem to faintly recollect some part with a cool hollow handle knife with lots of nifty survival supplies stashed inside.  Then, your buddies all stop drinking refreshing adult beverages, and/or scratching themselves, all in unison, look at you in a slack jawed amazed gaze, and burst out laughing mirthfully.  Scooter, you dumb hump!  And there you go, another faux pas. 

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The best way to illustrate the silliness of this design is to make one yourself.  Take two toilet paper cardboard rolls.  Between them place a flat piece of cardboard.  Like such: -/-

Attach with Scotch Tape on both sides.  This is your Big Bad Mighty And Righteous Combat Accessory And Survival Kit Rambo Killing Machine.  Now stab something.  Watch the two pieces separate.  Now take a paper towel cardboard tube.  Stab something.  Do you notice the one piece breaking off in the middle?  Knives need to be designed with the blade and handle core consisting of one piece, or they are close to worthless.  You are better off getting some kind of small plastic tube ( of semi-soft material, not brittle ) and filling it with your supplies and using a bunch of electrical tape to secure the lid and attach it to your knife sheath, if you are so worried about having an emergency survival kit with your knife at all times.  I know, it doesn’t look cool.  And High Speed is all that and a bag of chips, isn’t it?  Enough to risk your life for.

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6) power knife sharpener.  Yes, I know your Dremil Tool has an attachment that allows you to sharpen your chainsaw in seconds.  You just had to have that chainsaw, didn’t you?  But come on, people.  An electrical knife sharpener?  Really?  I not only am fearful of screwing up my knife when I sharpen mine, even the cheap ones, but I also am a lazy bastard by nature and have looked for quick fix knife sharpeners all my life ( because, you know, it really is impossible to own enough knives ).  My newest favorite is the Rada brand R119 Quick Edge Knife Sharpener ( buy yours at Amazon for under $8.  Made in America ).  That does a better job than my key ring sharpener with the carbide and ceramic V slots.  Key ring attached sharpeners being more important than stashed fishing hooks and matches in a hollow handle knife.  Anyway, I’d swear by this sharpener before I’d spend big bucks buying some damn thing I need to plug in and that uses a replaceable sandpaper fan belt looking thing.  It might work beautifully.  I have no idea.  But is violates the KISS principle that all survivalists should swear a blood oath to.  It is, really, a solution in search of a problem. 

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If your knife was given the correct angle on its edge at the factory, your regular carbide V or steel wheeled quick edge sharpener should work just fine.  If not, it is probably Chinese and has a crappy angle.  Look up sharpening with a wet stone sharpener ( everyone should own several ).  It isn’t too difficult, in concept.  Holding the blade straight up vertically from the laid flat stone is 90 degrees.  Go half way down towards the stone for a 45 degree angle.  Halfway again is 22.  Once more for an 11 degree angle.  I believe the factory standard is 13 to 16 degrees.  So go halfway between the last and second to last angles.  If the easy sharpener doesn’t work, you go to the stone and even if you lack a good hold to the proper angle, you can’t really screw it up all that much more.  I mean, obviously, don’t keep going until all the metal is gone, if you can’t get the hang of it.  Leave a good enough knife to barter it.  Someone else better with a stone can use it.  But that is the whole point of the machine knife sharpener, to achieve the perfect angle.  Most folks have a good enough factory knife this isn’t going to be an issue.  If it is, try your luck with a stone.  Rough side first, a half dozen strokes away from you ( never pull towards yourself-push away ), then the other side and inspect.  Keep going, taking your time and working at that angle.  When you’ve got a good edge, repeat on the fine side.  From now on you should be able to use the quick sharpener.  Which, needless to say, you need multiples of in case of theft, breakage, etcetera.  Having only one sharpener is like only having one grinder for tons of wheat kernels.

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