WNTBTTA 4

WHAT NOT TO BRING TO THE APOCALYPSE 4

3) the third thing you really shouldn’t be bringing to the apocalypse are MRE’s.  And before I go any further, you’ll be happy to know I won’t drag that topic out an entire article.  Even though I could.  You are welcome.  I’ll pick up the pace a little bit here, but only because I’ve covered all these so many times before.  And remember, after these first twelve tools, which I’ve covered before, we move into new and exciting virgin territory.  The things I do for my loyal minions.  Okay, back to MRE’s.  They are convenient and they are very filling, and with the right ingredients for a combatant like salt and fat and dead animals.  When you are on the run for your life you can’t cook.  And when you need energy to go, you really don’t care if the thing costs $6 or $10 or $50.  You need food and nutrients or your engine ceases to function optimally.  So why don’t I recommend them?  I know you are going to say, “it’s because they cost too much and Jim is a skinflint penny pinching arsehole and I hate him and it’s NOT because I’m jealous of his hair!”.

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Well, we all know it IS because of my hair, but I’m going to let that go.  Just as with freeze dried, so with MRE’s.  As long as you are reasonable with how much you buy, they are way too expensive but certainly not without their merits.  Sometimes there is no other way to store dead animals ( do NOT, under any circumstances, get textured vegetable protein.  That is soy crap, overpriced, and likely processed in such a way as your body can’t assimilate it anyway ) than freeze dried.  And MRE’s do have a place in bugging out ( although I strongly encourage you to NOT bug out past a few hours biking distance ).  But because of the cost ( one MRE equals three weeks of wheat in cost, and has less than one days calories of the kernels ), it is stupid to own too many.  They are good for a circumstance or two, not as a staple.  And to eat too many MRE’s all at one time is to invite a rectal breaking rock hard turd after an incredibly increasing discomforting constipation period.  MRE’s, by themselves, are deadly in that regard. 

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How about some Power Bars, jerky and Top Ramen if you are going to spend the money?  I can guarentee you are going to get over 1200 calories, and for way under $6 a day.  Make most of the calories the noodles and it is just a dollar for 2k calories.  Add a bit of dried meat and if you get them on sale, the hiking food bar.  Tastes like crap for not that many calories but it is energy.  What is that, $5?  With twice the calories.  Top Ramen doesn’t need to be cooked if you are on the go, just crush the noodles and eat dry, pouring into your mouth from the bag.  I know there are other trail foods, such as gorp ( which I personally don’t care for ).  Hell, even candy bars that don’t melt and aren’t too terrible for you such as Payday, aren’t a bad idea.  Just add to relatively real foods to get more than empty sugar calories.  The point is you can do better than MRE’s, calories and fiber-wise, for less money, without needing to cook or prepare in any way.

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4) mollie gear, alice gear or any other gear the military gave a girls name ( and for what other reason than the thing is a Capital B bitch? ).  Military web gear has one purpose, and that is to be able to attach more gear to your frail, failing, overburdened frame.  This is exactly what you DON’T want to do.  Your bare essentials should fit on your pants belt ( or a outer belt attached to your pants belt ), and NOT pull your pants down past crack level.  If they do, you are carrying too much crap.  Your rifle cartridges go in a belt worn over one shoulder and everything else should fit on your waist belt and in a small backpack.  As small as a day pack or patrol pack.  Mostly water and the bare amount of food.  If that-perhaps just water and one or two other essentials.  If you are true light infantry, you can easily run away to fight another day.  If your gear makes you anything else you are cannon fodder for someone else’s nefarious purposes ( regardless of the florescent hued smoke they might be blowing up your ass ).  If you have voluntarily overburdened yourself, I have my doubts you understand what you are doing.  You want to go in, guns blazing, empty AR mags discarded hither and yon as you lay down a cloud of lead upon the enemy.  I think I’ll just pick off the sentry when the opportunity presents itself.  Booby trap patrols.  Bushwhacking and in general keeping my dear ass alive.  If invaded, fall back.  But you do what you want, with your chest strapped full of semi-auto mags, part of your 80 pound carrying load.

END

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