Sunday, October 8, 2017

can't poo?


CAN’T POO?
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I know some of you are rolling your eyes right now.  Geez, Jim, MORE potty humor?  Or, Geez Jim, why do we have to talk about basic bodily functions like sex and waste excretion?  So totally groady, dude!  Whatever.  Okay, so you suddenly find out that you can’t poo.  What do you do?  The majority of people, after waiting about two days after the pain started, run down for some poopin medicine or if inclined towards natural living, some prune juice.  Boom, problem solved.  Then they go back to eating McDonalds, frozen pizza and KFC.

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People that anticipate and plan, perhaps after a harrowing experience of a bout of constipation followed by a rectum stretching passing, just make sure to eat enough fiber from then on.  It is healthier, cheaper and eliminates things like bowel cancer ( in theory.  Who says sucking in Fuki radioactivity is healthy? ).  Do you sense an analogy invoking preparedness or survivalism here?  Preppers poop.  They don’t rely on high tech solutions to the problems they create themselves ( like living in a house which needs too much firewood and hence a chainsaw ).

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Not to say everything is preventable.  It is more to highlight a needed philosophy.  Prep to poop.  Once you look at everything as a future bout of constipation, far fewer problems rely on modern equipment, hence needing less prepping.  For instance, to stay topical, if you love living tropical-and nothing wrong with that, we are all different-you don’t necessarily buy an expensive house on Snob Hill, or have an off road bike to bug out in, you plan on being flooded and do it as cheaply as you can.  A small aluminum boat you bought used, preps on the second floor, nothing in the house you can’t afford to lose.  Heck, why not a cheap used houseboat, living in it long enough to pay it off with saved rent?

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How about building your own houseboat?  A small pontoon boat with a pop-up camper bolted to it, or similar homemade equivalent.  It’s not a waste of money if you treat it like junk land.  Something you don’t occupy but treat it as a vacation cabin and retirement destination, justifying the cost.  Why not?  I know your redneck asses can cobble together something from the scrap yard.  Then you don’t have to worry about leaving your winter-less clime, or desperately attempting to bug out at 5 mph with the Interstate a parking lot, no destination other than No Vacancy hotels.

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Just an example of out of the box solutions, practical or not.  You CAN’T bug-out anyway.  How many of us live in fear, two paychecks away from homelessness?  Most, I’d wager.  You can’t just leave your job behind.  And, just one week in a fleeing refugee “solution” is going to cost you, easy, a thousand bucks, even if you don’t fear for your job.  It isn’t anything anymore for hotels to start at $100 a night.  All those taxes the city is using to pay pensions.  Or current salaries.  McBarf’s costs you $8 a meal, easy.  A houseboat, even homemade, might be more than a grand, but it can also be used more than once.

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This is what I see as the main problem with the average Yuppie Scum Prepper.  They can’t poo.  They select the most expensive solution, which are one time or short time solutions, akin to stocking cases of prune juice.  They aren’t changing their lifestyles to include fiber in their diet.  A good income and a good credit score ( prior to Equifax, anyway ) so that they could flee their coastal city is a one time solution and not a very good one.  It presupposes a complete lack of unemployment.  That houseboat?  Rent free living, just go out on the river or the bayou.  Gore Warming?  Live on that sucker while pilfering partially submerged homes ( plus fishing ).  It solves unemployment insurance, hurricane flooding, global warming, vacation costs and retirement affordability of increased property taxes.

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The equivalent savings or credit is not going to solve but one of those issues, and short term at that.  Again, just an example.  Do you want to know another reason why the prepping movement is dying?  The people that started eating fiber early, they built into their lifestyle a means to continue to prep, even on reduced incomes.  The “throw money at prepping” folks?  The store was out of laxatives.  No wonder laxative sellers are going out of business.  People WANT to prep/poop, but they can’t since the incomes are going away, big picture.  The laxative company got into so much debt he needed MORE people all the time who couldn’t poo.  But they can’t afford the medicine.  The fiber folks, they saved enough on junk food groceries that if they occasionally need laxatives, or anything else, they can get it.

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This is where a lot of preppers are mistaken.  They think if THEY could sacrifice to prep, everyone can.  Well, yes, that used to be true.  Before mass unemployment.  First, their house equity took a crap.  Then their hours were cut.  Then their medical expenses quadrupled.  Those that are still prepping now, they avoided all this-the house was paid off early, they lived below their income, and they try not to rely on the health care system by living preventively.  They were not relying on increased income.  They weren’t trying to buy solutions ( other than insofar as they “invested” now to need less income in the future ).  They were taking fiber long before they needed to.

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The great thing about preparedness done correctly is it really isn’t about spending extra money.  It is just philosophical.  It isn’t about buying expensive solutions, but rather bending like a willow rather than trying to be a mighty oak.  Geez, I think I’m really going overboard on the analogies, even if the solution is philosophical.  Just remember, and never forget, the solution is usually LESS, not more. 

END ( today's related link http://amzn.to/2yqTZ59 )
 
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8 comments:

  1. C5 here. Did you hear the one about the constipated mathmatition that lost his calculator? He worked it out with a pencil. Budupdup

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    1. Nice image to go with breakfast :) Just read your latest. Not much going on there, compared to most others of yours, and still better than 99% of everything else out there. Thanks!

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  2. Don't forget my redneck bidet for when you do poop. Just a weed sprayer , remove the nozzle and replace with piece of copper tube with proper bend. Crimp the end of the pipe to preference of water jet. Align crimp with ass crack preferably har har.
    Of course this is only applicable to places where water is plentiful. Saves TP and is much better on the bottom too.
    Not to mention reduces odors lol

    On another hygiene note...I've only used two throw away razor blades in the past six months. By using your method of back stropping. Only I just use ten strokes on each bicep. As they are about the only hair free skin easily gotten to.
    Reasoned that if leather works, why not skin ? It seems to work real well...

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    1. I started running into quality issues with weed sprayers about eight years ago. Anywhere from $3 to $20, they all seemed to turn to crap quickly. Course, could have been the intense cold.

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  3. Constipation is probably mostly related to dehydration rather than not enough fiber. Personally, if I keep my urine in the pale yellow to white range, I'm much more regular than if I get dehydrated. If I do become dehydrated, self-medicating with lots of water solves it.

    Living in a flood plain? Once I was anticipating buying a house in a potential floodable area. I ended up not buying it, but I had a plan similar to yours. My intention was to dig a large hole in the ground, concrete it so it was a giant unmovable anchor, and chain a cheap boat to it with the chain length to allow for the maximum possible flood height. That way, if a flood did come, you could hang out with your most valuable preps at your house without everything being washed away. When the water receded, you'd still be at home.
    Peace out

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    1. Ah, old age and constipation. I always had enough whole wheat. But that wasn't enough. I added lots of water ( without fail-I measure how much I force down ). Not enough. Finally had to add vegetable fiber on a steady basis. Takes all three to work.

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  4. Beer works good.

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