bankers valhalla

BANKERS VALHALLA

Okay, I might be off slightly on the finer points of Viking Valhalla, but don’t you get to fight, drink and fornicate all day long?  I get if you are killed that day you don’t get to party with mead and bosomy wenches but must wait until the next day.  That seems fair, right?  So, what does Bankers Valhalla look like?  Warriors are rewarded for dying righteously in battle, so Lucifer must reward greedy slimy banker scum for screwing over everybody, right?  Besides popes and kings, who does more to spread the pain than bankers?  The Dark Ones work, indeed.

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I imagine that there are meetings all day long where everyone battles with their wits, outdoing each other designing derivatives instruments of such complexities that the super computer that won Jeopardy would crap a silicon wafer and expire in a cloud of ozone.  Then, they would get to party with hookers and blow.  And then wake up the next day none the worse for wear, no brain damage from malt scotch and cocaine so that they could propose even more complex mathematical models.  Oh, and no VD from the prostitutes.  That’s fair, also.  Viking warriors do what they love, killing and looting.  And bankers do what they love, leaving an evil slime trail for the dirt people to lick and choke on.

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Yes, I’ll admit to a certain degree of jealousy.  I’m just not sure if it is the fighters or the humpers ( kidding! ).  But, seriously, let us marvel in the awesomeness of being a banker.  I don’t know if they rule the world from secret smoke filled rooms or are just opportunists, although I have my sneaking suspicions on that.  But either way you must acknowledge the effectiveness of their actions.  Let’s visit the California Bay Area where all these high tech firms which rule the stock market reside ( or the sister city Seattle where the other two are-I imagine conditions are rather similar ). 

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Remember the not so great James Bond film? That skinny ass Black gal ( Grace Jones? ) that was so painful on the eyes only a completely flaming gay casting director who was into bondage could have approved of.  Terrible flick, except it had Christopher Walken in it and it was slightly nostalgic ( and really, as much as I used to love Bond, it is hard to go back and watch any of them, even the best.  I grew up watching all of them on the big screen and TV viewing just doesn’t cut it for me ) for my favorite decade of poofy hair and a government not yet so damn uptight.  I actually liked the whole premise of the computer chip factories being threatened.  It was unique.  And it is amazing to think how not so long ago we were still analog focused, even in our digital. 

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Silicon Valley used to actually make important physical products!  Now what do they do? Design Digital Dildos.  How do we screw over our customers, at the speed of computers?  Did you know Netflix is still losing at least a billion a year?  They rake in ten billion, then spend that all on original programming, and borrow their operating expenses.  They lose money to kill other studios and skew other related markets ( DVD’s, for instance ).  We all know how Amazon loses money to kill off retail, just like Wally killed off all the mom & pops.  Microsoft ( who I’ll have more unflattering things to say about as I just lost my writing computer to their software ) makes profits spying on its customers for the NSA.

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But let’s not lose our focus.  Why do the banks loan all these companies money?  Look at Silicon Valley.  And every reasonable distance suburb surrounding them.  Money coming into the area from the bankers jacks up the real estate prices to nose bleed levels.  That is a butt ton of mortgages with interest.  These aren’t crappy $200k fixer-uppers.  They are $800k houses that were built fifty years ago for a couple of grand, had their costs paid off in a few years and have been pure profit ever since, selling over and over again. 

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I think I recall the figure of the average house selling every seven years ( but don’t quote me on that ).  Every flip it goes up in price ( or interest goes up, or both ).  How much does the banker get in several decades?  A house that started at five grand and doubled each time, seven times over fifty years, brought in something like 300 times the original price.  Before interest.  Now, if you make sure that you push your whores in the state government to allow unfettered immigration, you fill up a lot of areas with Other Colors.  Push for drug control so that crime is insane and the Valley workers outbid each other for the few safe housing areas left.

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Now add in more highways and schools the government must borrow for.  Help out the state workers with strong Unions so the pay goes up and bankrupts the pension, so the state borrows even more.  You are going to finance more cars and gas stations and shopping malls as folks are forced to move out to where crime and taxes and housing are still crippling but at least manageable.  All this, from a few bribes to politicians ( with the bribes being legal for you, the banker ) and by funding a few money losing tech firms.  You have captured a quarter of the economy of one of the financially biggest states for a billion or two a year.  The return must be hundreds of billions if not more.

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I find it amazing how JP Morgan can leverage silver up to a thousand times ( and you thought Wells Fargo at 200 to 1 exposure in 2007 was bad ) to control its pricing market, and yet look at the profits in Silicon Valley alone.  This is our economy, bankers Valhalla.

( .Y. )

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