grape stomping

GRAPE STOMPING

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Don’t you just love synchronicity?  Okay, it probably has more to do with the song by The Police than the actual concept itself, but you can still appreciate when it happens.  I’m on the flip side of disc three in the Survivors TV series ( the original, not the remake that took its cue from a crackhead Muslim feminist, so bad I couldn’t watch it for free ) on the episode about a witch.  Not their finest work, but the Green Mountain Dude says the shows at the end are the best ( go to his web site to see the links to the free episodes on YouTube.  Yes, my web site that you are all supposed to know about in case I ever lose this Blog page to censorship ).

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The one great moment in the episode ( I believe I’m remembering the right one-if not please forgive me as I shan’t be firing up the DVD player just now to confirm this ) was the beginning where one minor character is doing her laundry in the tub.  Not by hand, not with a washboard.  By standing in the tub and walking in place.  Now the synchronicity part.  Just days later I’m reading a random webpage that mentions “the grape stomping technique of washing your clothes”.  Now, I know I’m probably wrong and it is just a trick of memory, but I could have sworn I’d never come across this technique before in my life and suddenly here are two completely separate unrelated citations.

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Surely you’ve seen on film folks stomping grapes for wine making?  They jump in a huge vat and walk around lifting their step high every time, stomping the grapes into mush.  Now I guess they do the same, or at least DID the same with clothes to wash them.  Obviously, you’d need a steady wall or rack to grab hold on to while doing this.  Not just because you could slip in the tub but because the clothes underneath could trip you.  And you would need at least warmish water because standing in cold water in the winter would be a poor idea ( even inside ).

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Soap and agitation are what you need to wash clothes.  A lot of the ways to provide agitation are a VERY high calorie consumption method and NOT recommended.  Now, granted, in old timey days there were a lot of methods that did use an unduly large number of calories.  This was not because folks were stupid, it was that the local natural materials at hand were free and so utilized.  Trade used to be very expensive and not something the poor could afford outside the immediate area in limited amounts.  Perhaps a metal tool was much quicker and easier to use, but if you didn’t have money, you used an organic material you had to keep replacing. 

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In case you were wondering how we got the natives to kill each other for us, it was because we had metal they wanted.  It was a far superior tool compared to what they used.  The European peasant that did without metal in many instances was divorcing himself from that kind of disadvantageous relationship the Indians had with the settlers.  Yes, perhaps taking your clothes and beating them against a rock in the creek was a lot of work.  You just ate more food ( and, it should be noted, had more babies.  Which aren’t JUST about your retirement, but also about young able bodied labor to help you on the farm as you prematurely aged ).

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Having a metal tub to stomp your clothes in would have used far less labor.  But metal tubs were costly and then rusted out, necessitating a replacement which took more money you didn’t have.  The cast iron kettle you used to heat water on the wood stove was a one time investment that lasted generations.  A wash tub was too “disposable”.  If you have a porcelain coated cast iron bathtub, that might just be the ticket, a secondary use being to wash clothes after you wash yourself ( the weekly bath followed by the weekly wash ).  But that is only feasible in water and wood rich areas.

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The Grape Stomping clothes washing method is primarily an idea for washing clothes for those that don’t want to buy any extra equipment.  But it does require warm water and extra water.  You can’t just fill up the bathtub with an inch of water to do this ( which might work for bathing, in a modified Whores Bath with washcloth ).  And please keep in mind that clothes washing with any method using your upper body muscles is retarded.  Leg muscles are far stronger than arm muscles.  So forget the “toilet plunger in a bucket” or similar methods.  Use your legs, damn you! 

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My idea has always been the enclosed bucket on a rocking chair.  As far as I’m aware, this was an idea original to me, and I’m proud enough of this rare insight that I must remind you of this fact every time I bring up off-grid clothes washing.  Strap the bucket down and sit on something behind the rocker, pushing on the chair as you read or otherwise occupy yourself.  Very little effort, and it has the added benefit of not needing warm water if it isn’t available.  You don’t even need a real old fashion rocking chair.

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I have quite the collection going on “semi-rocking chairs”.  I have three wooden rocking stools ( no backing ) and a strange aluminum rocking chair that folds up like a lawn chair ( but the slats are not the cheesy strips the lawn chairs use, they are solid ).  That one should last a lifetime.  All were from the thrift store and cost zero to nominal amounts.  I think I paid $3 for the folder.  In an area lacking much wood for fires, I can wash my clothes with little calories and no fuel.  Clean clothes are important for two very important reasons.  First, it cuts back on vermin such as bedbugs ( I also stock bags of diatomaceous earth for that ).  And second, clean clothes actually keep you warmer.  Something about the fibers being fluffier without grease and dirt flattening them ( obviously, I’m not recalling exactly ). 

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But if you don’t have access to an affordable rocking chair, but do have plenty of water and fuel, the grape stomping method is a great way to correctly ( with your legs! If I see any minions using a washboard I‘ll beat them with it ) wash your cloths with no or little cost.

END ( today's related link https://amzn.to/2JS45m8 )

 

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