CAN’T POO?
*note: thought you might like this author. click here Jay J Falconer. I'm reading through the "Bunker" series right now. Enjoying, not because it is the best PA novel out there, but because this guy can both write well AND he hasn't written anything unforgiving yet two books in. A bit on the short side, so you might find the best value with Kindle Unlimited.
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I know some of you are
rolling your eyes right now. Geez, Jim,
MORE potty humor? Or, Geez Jim, why do
we have to talk about basic bodily functions like sex and waste excretion? So totally groady, dude! Whatever.
Okay, so you suddenly find out that you can’t poo. What do you do? The majority of people, after waiting about
two days after the pain started, run down for some poopin medicine or if
inclined towards natural living, some prune juice. Boom, problem solved. Then they go back to eating McDonalds, frozen
pizza and KFC.
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People that anticipate and
plan, perhaps after a harrowing experience of a bout of constipation followed
by a rectum stretching passing, just make sure to eat enough fiber from then
on. It is healthier, cheaper and
eliminates things like bowel cancer ( in theory. Who says sucking in Fuki radioactivity is
healthy? ). Do you sense an analogy
invoking preparedness or survivalism here?
Preppers poop. They don’t rely on
high tech solutions to the problems they create themselves ( like living in a
house which needs too much firewood and hence a chainsaw ).
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Not to say everything is
preventable. It is more to highlight a
needed philosophy. Prep to poop. Once you look at everything as a future bout
of constipation, far fewer problems rely on modern equipment, hence needing
less prepping. For instance, to stay
topical, if you love living tropical-and nothing wrong with that, we are all
different-you don’t necessarily buy an expensive house on Snob Hill, or have an
off road bike to bug out in, you plan on being flooded and do it as cheaply as
you can. A small aluminum boat you bought
used, preps on the second floor, nothing in the house you can’t afford to
lose. Heck, why not a cheap used
houseboat, living in it long enough to pay it off with saved rent?
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How about building your
own houseboat? A small pontoon boat with
a pop-up camper bolted to it, or similar homemade equivalent. It’s not a waste of money if you treat it
like junk land. Something you don’t
occupy but treat it as a vacation cabin and retirement destination, justifying
the cost. Why not? I know your redneck asses can cobble together
something from the scrap yard. Then you
don’t have to worry about leaving your winter-less clime, or desperately
attempting to bug out at 5 mph with the Interstate a parking lot, no
destination other than No Vacancy hotels.
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Just an example of out of
the box solutions, practical or not. You
CAN’T bug-out anyway. How many of us
live in fear, two paychecks away from homelessness? Most, I’d wager. You can’t just leave your job behind. And, just one week in a fleeing refugee “solution”
is going to cost you, easy, a thousand bucks, even if you don’t fear for your
job. It isn’t anything anymore for
hotels to start at $100 a night. All
those taxes the city is using to pay pensions.
Or current salaries. McBarf’s
costs you $8 a meal, easy. A houseboat,
even homemade, might be more than a grand, but it can also be used more than
once.
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This is what I see as the
main problem with the average Yuppie Scum Prepper. They can’t poo. They select the most expensive solution,
which are one time or short time solutions, akin to stocking cases of prune
juice. They aren’t changing their
lifestyles to include fiber in their diet.
A good income and a good credit score ( prior to Equifax, anyway ) so
that they could flee their coastal city is a one time solution and not a very
good one. It presupposes a complete lack
of unemployment. That houseboat? Rent free living, just go out on the river or
the bayou. Gore Warming? Live on that sucker while pilfering partially
submerged homes ( plus fishing ). It
solves unemployment insurance, hurricane flooding, global warming, vacation
costs and retirement affordability of increased property taxes.
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The equivalent savings or
credit is not going to solve but one of those issues, and short term at that. Again, just an example. Do you want to know another reason why the
prepping movement is dying? The people
that started eating fiber early, they built into their lifestyle a means to
continue to prep, even on reduced incomes.
The “throw money at prepping” folks?
The store was out of laxatives.
No wonder laxative sellers are going out of business. People WANT to prep/poop, but they can’t
since the incomes are going away, big picture.
The laxative company got into so much debt he needed MORE people all the
time who couldn’t poo. But they can’t
afford the medicine. The fiber folks,
they saved enough on junk food groceries that if they occasionally need
laxatives, or anything else, they can get it.
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This is where a lot of
preppers are mistaken. They think if
THEY could sacrifice to prep, everyone can.
Well, yes, that used to be true.
Before mass unemployment. First,
their house equity took a crap. Then
their hours were cut. Then their medical
expenses quadrupled. Those that are
still prepping now, they avoided all this-the house was paid off early, they
lived below their income, and they try not to rely on the health care system by
living preventively. They were not
relying on increased income. They weren’t
trying to buy solutions ( other than insofar as they “invested” now to need
less income in the future ). They were
taking fiber long before they needed to.
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The great thing about
preparedness done correctly is it really isn’t about spending extra money. It is just philosophical. It isn’t about buying expensive solutions,
but rather bending like a willow rather than trying to be a mighty oak. Geez, I think I’m really going overboard on
the analogies, even if the solution is philosophical. Just remember, and never forget, the solution
is usually LESS, not more.
END ( today's related link http://amzn.to/2yqTZ59 )
* By the by, all my writing is copyrighted. For the obtuse out there
C5 here. Did you hear the one about the constipated mathmatition that lost his calculator? He worked it out with a pencil. Budupdup
ReplyDeleteNice image to go with breakfast :) Just read your latest. Not much going on there, compared to most others of yours, and still better than 99% of everything else out there. Thanks!
DeleteI started running into quality issues with weed sprayers about eight years ago. Anywhere from $3 to $20, they all seemed to turn to crap quickly. Course, could have been the intense cold.
ReplyDeleteConstipation is probably mostly related to dehydration rather than not enough fiber. Personally, if I keep my urine in the pale yellow to white range, I'm much more regular than if I get dehydrated. If I do become dehydrated, self-medicating with lots of water solves it.
ReplyDeleteLiving in a flood plain? Once I was anticipating buying a house in a potential floodable area. I ended up not buying it, but I had a plan similar to yours. My intention was to dig a large hole in the ground, concrete it so it was a giant unmovable anchor, and chain a cheap boat to it with the chain length to allow for the maximum possible flood height. That way, if a flood did come, you could hang out with your most valuable preps at your house without everything being washed away. When the water receded, you'd still be at home.
Peace out
Ah, old age and constipation. I always had enough whole wheat. But that wasn't enough. I added lots of water ( without fail-I measure how much I force down ). Not enough. Finally had to add vegetable fiber on a steady basis. Takes all three to work.
DeleteBeer works good.
ReplyDeleteBeer: meal in a can.
Delete