certain peace of mind

CERTAIN PEACE OF MIND

I know it seems counterintuitive but once you submit to the Dark Side, once you know with a certainty that We Are All going To Die A Horrible And Elongated Death, you can sit back and relax.  This isn’t really all that much of a conundrum, because it is fear of the unknown we fear, not fear itself.  It is the uncertainty and anticipation of the unknown that causes stress, not the actual event ( even if unpleasant ).  If you are going to the dentist for the first time, for instance, you fear the pain.  But subsequent visits, even if you know that the pain you are going to suffer is unpleasant, are not nearly so bad ( they are still certainly NOT looked forward to, but they aren’t as feared as much ).  Plus, say they come out with a better procedure.  Less pain is involved.  You can almost dismiss the severity of visits now, the pain being so much less it ends up being so much better.  I am very nervous about heights.  Once as a kid we were visiting Carlsbad Cavern and I completely freaked out on the spiraling staircase, even though it was caged in.  Since then, I’m no damn fool and avoid heights when possible, and I certainly don’t do something idiotic like go skydiving, parasailing or ballooning, but I also can handle the issue much better than before. 

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This is not to say you conquer fear by repetition.   You just aren’t paralyzed by it.  And there are other ways of dealing with fear.  With heights, you almost don’t have any choice but to deal with it in some way.  If I’m going over a bridge, if I’m too close to the edge I still get that “testicles retracting into the torso” feeling.  But what else can you do but deal with it?  Some things I feared I just discount.  Test anxiety, for instance.  What I did to deal with that was to start not caring.  I needed to pass tests to pass High School?  Fine, I don’t care what my grade point average was, I’m not going to college ( I think mine was a B- and that was without trying hard except in those subjects I enjoyed ).  You need to go before a review board to get an NCO rank to stay in the service to retire?  Fine, I don’t want to stay in, anyway.  All a bunch of politically correct office politics.  A review board for civilian law enforcement?  I went through a couple, despite my fears, and they were just as bad as expected.  Fine, I’m not cut out to be a LEO anyway.  No need to fake interest anymore ( it should be noted that this was decades ago when the cops weren’t so trigger happy and you had more of a fear of when to use deadly force ). 

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Now, as far as The End Of The World, let me tell you by personal experience, more education on the subject does nothing to dispel worry or fear.  The exact opposite in fact.  Ignorance is indeed bliss.  The more I learned, the scarier it got.  You can’t educate yourself to understanding without finding out you were an ignorant twat before and yes, you are going to friggin die.  Before, it was so easy.  Some food storage and some guns and a reasonable plan of action and, poof, you are saved!  Ah, the good old days of beginner prepping.  Now, I know, you know, and Ross Perot knows that we are all indeed very much humped.  Survival odds are way down.  Not that I’m all that concerned now.  Past fifty years of age, even in good health ( far less in poor ), and every day is a bonus ( you can’t even count of money to save you through medicine anymore, the industry so chocked with greed and desperation-which is probably why the VA looks so much better nowadays.  There was never the profit motive there and in the private sector, from insurance to pharmaceutical to hospitals, the profit motive has almost completely crowded out the altruism and compassion, making government health care shine in comparison ), I’m not overly fond of day to day survival odds, never mind the Apocalypse.

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But, conversely, the more you know and the more afraid you become, the easier it is to see the inevitable acceptance.  All you have to do is say, yep, there is no way out and we WILL die unnaturally.  Now that removes the uncertainty of the unknown.  You KNOW what will happen.  No more wishful thinking we can kick the can down the road.  No more hoping beyond hope that something will come along to bail us out.  You know it is End Game, period.  As long as you hope, you are panicking, desperately looking for a solution.  Once all hope is gone, you can relax.  You sleep okay.  Perhaps not the sleep of the just, but you have less stress than normal.  I mean, I don’t mind knowing a bullet to the head is in store for me.  I don’t worry about eating or getting through winter, those things are taken care of.  But there is no escaping the crowds unless you Go Hermit.  I will bug out, and have help, but I’m not convinced I can avoid all the crowds.  So, I know my fate ( even as I’ll fight to avoid it-I’m not fatalistic ).  And I look forward to getting to shoot some of the bastards first.  I have a lifetime of repressed hostility and while I’m materially prepped to survive a long time, I’m also mentally prepped to go out fighting with a smile on my face.  We are all going to die, so go out with style and without worrying about it too much.

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