MAY WE PANIC?
Please, Sir, may we
'ave another panic attack? Today I want to talk about relying on
other people to tell you when to panic. I don't mean you are reading
and researching and decide X is a disaster of biblical proportions
just about to happen ( cough, Peak Oil, cough, hack, cough, Olduvai
Theory, cough ). I mean, people asking experts when exactly they
should panic. So, I'm reading Aesop over at Raconteur Report and one
of his readers ask, when should I bug out over this Ebola thing?
Now, don't take this the wrong way. I do NOT blame the reader for
asking this question.
*
This is a perfectly
rational question. At what point should I drop my beer and grab my
gear? This is after all life and death. The problem with the
question is you shouldn't HAVE to answer it. Not because it is a
stupid question but because bugging out needs to be a secondary
option, and never the primary one. We've talked about this. If you
must ask “when”, it is human nature to lie to yourself that it
never will be. You NEVER bet against human nature. Not as a
survivalist, anyway. I can see ignoring it sometimes.
*
When you have a
blushing bride so young and juicy nothing is sagging yet, you NEVER
say to yourself, self, that bitch is going to hump me like I've never
been humped before, and not in a good way, because that is just what
bitches do. No, you ignore human nature and try to hit that until
you wear out Wee Willie. But once you got over the spawning phase of
your life and started devoting more attention to the areas outside
your bedroom ( or couch, or on top of the dryer, or in the men's room
at Burger King ), you realize Crap Just Got Real, yo.
*
Meaning people are
asswhores. I look back at my twenties and ask myself why I was so
sociable back then and now everyone repulses me. At first I thought,
people are living through the death of the high trust society and
are acting accordingly. Or, the death of our tribal unity. Now I
realize, I just had zero clue how rotten people are anyway. I was
blinded by boobs. Nice, plump ones, granted. Ginormous ones that
ended up costing me over a hundred grand ( near ten years gross
wages, subtracting my outlier paying job, or casino gratuities ).
Ah, boobs.
*
Where was I? Human
nature. You always make an excuse. The wife will be pissed if I'm
wrong ( if mamma is on the warpath, there will be buried bodies ).
I'll lose my job if I'm wrong. Perhaps the threat is overblown. You
take my meaning. Just call us Alibi Ike. We'll wait until our
housing division street looks like a scene out of a bad zombie movie.
We wait, if for no other reason than The News Lies. Let me repeat
that. THE NEWS LIES!!! As Mogambo would say, three explanation
marks make it special and worthy of panic.
*
Look, I can see wanting
to be informed when a hurricane is coming. I never considered
bugging out, but that was just the price of not having a car.
Personally, I think if you live there you better be living in a spot
that won't be underwater, but I can still see the attraction of
going. But Ebola? That is like asking, where do I go when the nukes
start falling? I mean, where COULD you go?
*
Oh, you could go
somewhere that was better. I worked with a guy as the Soviet Union
was breaking up who asked me just that, where? He had a motor home
and we were east of Sacramento California nestled just at the
foothills. Not exactly a huge metro area, but this WAS Cali and even
back then most places had too many people. I told him he was
probably okay from fallout just headed north a bit. Of course, that
was JUST fallout. He still had overpopulation and lack of food
supplies to contend with. He was just buying days or weeks.
*
The point during a nuke
war was if you bugged out you were NOT going to be safe. It is the
exact same with Ebola. You are safe in the bunker, but not if you
have to get TO the bunker. Simply, there is no fleeing Ebola unless
you are at the head of the exodus, so early that you do endanger your
marriage and your job. Now, how many of you are going to go there?
If you think Ebola is going to get really real, you bunker in. If
you have to do so at your present location, go to Home Depot and
start. Today.
*
If where you are at is
too problematic, you either move now or most likely you are screwed.
Because why? Because The News Lies! They will lie about an Ebola
Bitch getting into the country ( as it might have already happened ).
They will lie about one in your local hospital ( oh, yeah, don't
need to be in a hospital, at all, going forward ). They will lie
about the authorities investigating or trying to contain. They.
Will. Just. Lie. Period. What part of that confuses you?
*
Get this through your
head. The US is the THIRD LARGEST country in the world by
population. We are just behind black plague and leprosy India and
Too Many Multi-tens-of-millions-of-people Cities China. We might
have plenty of land but our people group together in Calcutta
Crapholes. All those people are dangerous. Going out among them is
dangerous. Charlie is outside the wire. Why do you want to go
outside the wire? Why is any of this confusing? And I can hear it
now. But Jim, my job. But Jim, my trophy wife. But Jim, my aging
parents.
*
But, Minion, SO HUMPING
WHAT! If you can't make those relatively not that hard of decisions,
you won't be able to make any life and death ones. I guaran-damn-tee
you. If you CHOOSE to stay in the wrong location, fine. That is
your choice. You made it. You chose love or commitment or luxury.
But you cannot also choose Greater Probabilities Of Survival. So
stop worrying. The odds are you will die. And? So? What of it?
What is your point? As survivalists we know exactly what is coming.
We know what we must do. If you DON'T do it, you know your odds.
*
This guy is asking,
Aesop, when should I run away from Ebola? Well, Spanky, you can't.
You can TRY. You can run from hurricanes until the day your
insurance company stops paying for your drowned house. You can run
from a slowly unfolding economic collapse ( although you lose each
time as entropy shows you what a bitch you are ). You can run from
OtherColor immigration. But a few things you cannot run from, such
as nuclear war and Ebola. SOME folks will succeed by trying. Almost
all will not. Almost any plan other than running is probably better.
*
If you are betting on
long odds, most likely you lose. So why worry about timing? You
either leave BEFORE Ebola, because as soon as everyone knows about it
your odds go from 100% survival to about ONE, or you don't worry
about timing because the odds stay at that 1% the entire time. In
our JIT economy, just a few people panicking ruin bugging out for
everyone else. Days before the hurricane and the roads are clogged
and the gas is gone. How much worse do you think Ebola will be? So,
ether crap or get off the pot.
( .Y. )
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