more homemade MRE's 2 of 2

MORE HOMEMADE MRE’S 2

As I was saying before being rudely interrupted by my word count cut-off, previous attempts at homemade MRE’s mostly consisted of Top Ramen and peanut butter.  The original recipe, handed down to me on his death bed by a loyal minion, was peanut butter mixed with oatmeal and Tang drink powder.  This way you got protein, whole grain and vitamin C.  There is nothing wrong with this one, other than the peanut butter being a vegetable rather than an animal protein ( despite what well meaning Birkenstock wearers maintain, your body knows the difference if it is getting bunny food protein, or bunny flesh.  Just because the amino acids are supposedly the same in both grain/legume combination and dead animal doesn’t mean your body prefers/is satisfied with either.  Most of us follow our evolutionary path towards the BBQ pit-our brains developed and are optimized with animal protein.  You can survive off of plant protein.  The wheat survival stash is predicated on this.  But if/when possible, get that animal flesh also ). 

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My addition of Top Ramen packs in no way improves on the original recipe.  White flour replacing whole grain oats is a step down, not an improvement.  The only thing is does better is allow instant consumption with no preparation.  You can dig into your pack on the move and continue eating without stopping ( eating the Top Ramen uncooked ).  Then at night and at breakfast you can eat the peanut butter by itself, as well as cooking the brick of Ramen and adding the flavor pack.  Don’t get me wrong, Top Ramen sucks ( as does oatmeal-but that is just me having been force fed it as a child.  Along with those damn cooked veggies.  Give me a raw veggie, and I’m happy.  Oatmeal, however, I’ve never really recovered from.  I can eat bread for breakfast uninterrupted for years at a time.  Oatmeal, I cannot ).  But it is cheap and filling and can be eaten raw or cooked.  So it is a trail food.  The oatmeal is also, but the Ramen is simply more versatile on the run.  It wouldn’t be the worst idea to have both.  Oatmeal for breakfast, Ramen for your other two meals.  Either can be cooked or eaten raw if necessary ( although you do need to mix the oats with the peanut butter if you can’t cook it ).  But here we are NOT concerned with the optimal survival stores food.  We are just talking about short term field rations.  So variety isn’t as important as a simple calorie rich affordable ration.

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And affordability is very important here.  Which is why jerky is not an option in our homemade MRE.  Whole wheat hardtack ( or its improvement, which I’ll cover shortly ) and jerky, with Tang to drink, would be a far more ideal MRE.  But it wouldn’t be all that much cheaper than a commercial ration.  Oh, sure, you could get a roast on sale.  They just had beef at $2.99 ( at Krogers, the new and improved Low Cost Leader.  Piss on Wal-Mart, those rectal ranger sum-bitches and their higher prices with lowered quality.  Go bankrupt already and stop embarrassing yourselves ).  Then you have about a $5 MRE.  Tastier, and healthier.  Than either a regular MRE or my lower cost alternative.  But, remember, short term rations.  Health is secondary, while I place affordability with minimal quality sacrifice in first place.  So let’s go with a $2 MRE ( you could have a 25cent MRE if you just went with a pounds worth of flour, but while frugal I’m not completely cheap.  Field rations, optimally, need protein.  Hence the higher cost ). 

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Remember those dried hot dogs I was telling you about?  There is your protein.  A ( by now reduced sized container ) jar of peanut butter is about two thousand calories.  You can buy one on sale for about a $1.50.  So, a buck gets you 1300 calories.  On sale, a 12oz pack of chicken/mystery meat hot dogs goes for a buck.  800 calories.  You get 60-70% of the calories per dollar, but it is animal flesh verses plant protein ( okay, I don’t know how much is flesh and how much is filler, such as cellulose as in sawdust, but close enough for government work here ).  In the field, stress and heavy workloads, plus being exposed to the elements, you want to maximize your nutrients, not minimize.  Hence, animal flesh over simple carbs.  Dried hot dogs are the cheapest animal flesh you can pack ( you might find canned fish on sale, or you might not.  I’m sticking to the widely available meat ).  Cut into nickel size pieces, and dry for about a day.  Do NOT use beef dogs.  They are too fatty, and you can’t dry fat.  You just have a food that goes rancid much quicker ( the one thing going for the peanut butter was fat content.  Being hydrogenated, it doesn‘t go rancid very quick ).

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The difference here from the old homemade MRE’s is that you now have a commercial food air dryer.  At $40, they are almost a requirement.  Granted, if this is all you use it for they are not worth the cost.  But if you have access to cheap fruits in season they are well worth it.  Another item you can dry is slices of bread.  They will not be reduced in volume, but they will last a very long time without moisture.  They are like a giant crouton.  If the thought of Top Ramen sickens you, just go with dried slices of bread.  At around 100 calories a slice for whole wheat, it doesn’t take too many, added to the pack of hot dogs ( at 100 calories a link ), to make a 1500 calorie MRE.  If space is a consideration, just beware Top Ramen is almost 400 calories a brick so it won’t take up as much room as the bread.  But dried bread is a much better carb filler ( whole wheat and white have the same calories, but whole wheat is far more filling and satisfying to your body.  It is the animal protein to peanut butter of carbs ). 

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The author that introduced me to dried hot dogs maintains that they have about a two year shelf life.  I have no reason to doubt this, but to make sure you can just replace them every year.  Just take them for lunch one work day and replace.  It was a friggin buck, for goodness sakes!  MRE’s at room temps really don’t have much more of a shelf life anyway ( as far as nutrients go ).  And I know you could argue that with the cost of a food dryer, the homemade MRE’s are just as expensive as commercial units.  Which is why I said not to buy the dryer unless you’ll get extra use out of it.  Just like you don’t add the cost of your car mileage to the price of a case of MRE’s you go pick up at the UPS depot.  If you are unsure if this is right for you ( if you are unsure if you should invest in a dryer ), slice up a pack of hot dogs now, in the winter when running the oven costs nothing extra ( it will fill in for your heater running ), and place in the stove at the lowest temperature with the door cracked open.  After drying for a day, allow to cool and taste.  To my mind, they taste nothing like the nasty budget hot dogs they actually are.  It is like the taste difference between a fresh and a dried apple.  Enjoy.

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