Wednesday, November 12, 2014

fiction and review

CHAPTER 10 -part one of two

“Hey, John, do you know why you like big boobs?”
“I thought I liked big butts.”
“Well, yes, your freak of nature desire for large cellulite rippled buttocks is disturbing to any sane male, but I’ll admit the attraction is derivative.”
“So, what’s the answer to your socially awkward question inappropriately poised as our female acquaintances are mere yards away?”
“Hey, this is pretty darned appropriate given that our acquaintances directly have placed us in a dangerous position we so nonchalantly accept and respond to.  And a fun filled fact knows no time limits.  And don’t you think that our lives are pretty damn cool right now?  Here we are like this is a Quentin Tarrantino  film, the two dashing hero’s cracking wise as they face down imminent danger as if it were but an interlude to an interesting conversation?”
“Okay, now I get where your propensity to lighten dangerous situations with dialog comes from.”
“Natch.  The Q Man did more to redeem Hollywood than all the PBS nature documentaries put together ever did.”
“PBS films in Hollywood?”
“Hollywood as shorthand for filmmaking, my good fellow.  Now, pay attention.  Due to very long periods of infant helplessness and the long periods requiring human young to fully program their developing minds, humans need monogamous pair bonding.  Parental units must invest over a decade in each offspring, and in some cases that consists of up to half the lifetime of an adult.  Also, species survival necessitates a very social being outside the family unit.  Higher cognitive species are always very social, a lot of mental energy devoted to interaction of clan members.  In order to attract and keep a couple together, sex is year long rather than linked to ovulation.  In fact, female ovulation is rather well hidden from both genders, as if evolution was forcing this difference.

“In ape species, swelling of the genital and or buttocks area signals ovulation and stimulates the males.  So in humans, it is thought that a permanent ‘swelling’ is a permanent attraction.  As humans walk upright, the chest is a more logical area of attraction than the nether regions.  Some apes that spend inordinate amounts of time sitting have a swelling in the neck area.  Now, keep in mind that a permanent attraction to a mate is not all of it.  The reason males are attracted to larger breasts is that prior to the last few hundred years of abundance, the norm was periods of lack of food either from herd animals wandering out of reach or village granaries being depleted before the new crop came in. 

“The hips, butt and breasts are the female primary stores of fat for times of starvation.  Any larger sized female signaled reproductive advantage since the baby would have milk even if food became scarce for the mother.  So, big boobs is both a male stimulant for sex to continue a pair bond and a signal that her offspring would be the best.”

“Okay, but what about contrary examples?  The Chinese being attracted to feet-although I’ll admit that is bizarre- or the Flappers in the 20’s with near flat chests or the current starved Yuppie look?”

“Well, of course culture is going to give us exceptions.  Culture is a survival trait that individualizes behavior to fit local conditions.  The Chinese chose quantity over quality.  Vast numbers, with all but the one tenth of one percent in perpetual malnourishment or calorie deficit.  There was never enough fat to go around for fatter to be a common attraction.  And the modern infatuation with skinny women is a cultural trait, the economics of farm factories mean that starch is dirt cheap.  Poor people are fat from starch.  Rich people eat lean and healthy.  Skinny, obviously needing to be accompanied by other telltale signs of wealth, means higher reproductive success.  And breast augmentation shows that skinny WITH boobs is the best of both worlds.  As for the Flappers, I’d guess this was the first signs of the migration from farm to cities.  City living outside the ghetto being a healthier environment than an impoverished farm.  And skinny meant you could afford to heat your house with coal rather than just your body with food.  Just guessing on that one.  But carved statues from thirty thousand years ago show ginormous breasts, hips and butts.  Males have been attracted to boobs forever.  And women know it.  The exceptions have got to prove the rule.”

“Why did you bring all of this up now?  Although, granted, fascinating.”
“Of course you’ve noticed that Pam is well endowed.  Even Susan signals reproductive success if you ignore her after she gets up and tries to move around too much.  Surely if I’ve noted this, so have our friends over here.”

“Your ‘friends’ have an immediate hungry look which precludes sticking around long after conception to raise a family.”
“Which our female companions have undoubtedly noticed far quicker than you, being the target of such dangerous attraction.  Let’s face it, brother, male reproductive urges are rather straightforward.  With a brain that size, what do you expect?  We just want to rut.  It is the female who must expand most of the energy, biologically speaking, to keep the rutting confined to herself exclusively for the benefit of the raising of children.  Calorie-wise, fat storage in the upper torso and continual sexual availability are small prices to pay.  So, one must deal with males on this basis of DNA programmed mindless urges.  You can’t rationally discuss with them why killing you and taking the gals is a bad idea.  Only fear of losing the ability to reproduce is likely to work.”

To which, Randy took his rifle from his shoulder, chambered a round and shot the leading Wigger in the chest even as his target was lifting up his 9mm pistol to take aim himself.


Which, of course, facilitated  the other Wiggers from inaction and they too started jerking off rounds of underpowered handheld firearms, the girls squealing in fright and diving to the ground, John yelling something close to “Randy, you simple cocksucker” or some such banality, aforementioned Randy wearing an inappropriately timed grin as he manically  jacked more rounds into his rifle and fired into the mass of Wiggers mere scores of yards away, John trying to follow suite yet only at half speed and in general all the mayhem one would expect when reality intruded in the Hollywood script of Uber Cool Character Combat.  Of course, as our hero’s were by then more conversant in actual firearm conflict than their adversaries, and as the Lee-Enfield rifle had been designed for superior battlefield performance by allowing for twice the speed in loading a round into the chamber compared to the Mauser and double the magazine capacity for longer periods of shooting before needing to reload, and given the fact that rifles were being used against anemic close range pistols, it should surprise no one that the boys once again emerged triumphant over the forces of evil and vanquished the modern Vandals.  Unfortunately for Randy, the females, rather than falling into his arms in submission and in gratitude, were decidedly NOT amused at being “saved” by their errant knight.


By the time Randy got done kicking corpses, bayoneting them repeatedly amidst shouts of “that will learn ya to shoot at me, motherfucker!”, and rifling pockets for valuables, they had gotten quite a distance away, even at a waddling gait as befitted a lass of Susan’s girth.  And apparently trailing a long list of girlishly appropriate obscenities at the uncouth and violent nature of Randy himself.  John trailed an approved distance away, traitorously making excuses for himself and damning Randy as enthusiastically as his new companions.  Randy threw a glare of his own and went to poke around at the apartment he thought the Wiggers came from.  Let that simple fuck John kiss the gals asses.  By the time he was done with the ampleness of Susan’s backside it would be dark and Randy would hopefully have found himself drugs ( for barter, of course.  He had little desire to lose his teeth to crack since his foreseeable future had a LOT of tough wheat bread eating ), guns and ammo and whatever other non-electric treasures his vanquished foe had processed.  He wasn’t sure if these guys had been smart enough to already fight for food.  Hopefully they had lived on more than just Taco Bell take out and AM/PM microwave burrito’s ( okay, there were no such convenience stores in Elko, having originated in California-he assumed, anyway- and barely made it over the Sierra mountains to the edge of western Nevada, but every Habeeb store had microwave burritos.  Alas, few could copy the example of the Super Big Gulp of AM/PM, the memories of childhood mass sugar consumption through Mountain Dew soda bringing a sad but happy memory.  He wondered why few used the cheap corn syrup magnet to attract customers like the original store.  Never a sugar consumer of more than the average American, he knew he would miss the opportunity to do so just because it was no longer an option ).

A new movie out on DVD is “Goodbye World”.  I got mine at Redbox and a buck and a half is about right for this one-I feel bad for anyone shelling out a $12 theatre ticket on this one.  Not that it was a bad movie, it wasn’t.  It was actually very well done.  It is just that your expectations will not be met.  If there was ever a soft sell for the Apocalypse, this is it.  The reviews mentioned ‘The Big Chill meets the apocalypse’ which is almost correct.  Rather, think The Big Chill meets The Trigger Effect.  Despite threatening looking biker gangs and renegade National Guardsmen, it simply didn’t feel like there was a collapse going on.  In The Trigger Effect, there was a background feeling of dread.  That is largely absent here.  But, like The Trigger Effect, this movie is great if you use it as a template for how NOT to try and survive.  If you downplay that this is supposed to be about the end of civilization, it is an enjoyable movie sort of in the “Thirty-Something” TV show genre.  You know, Yuppie Scum navel gaze and of course are always wanting but you almost feel sorry for them because at least they tried to think about escaping the unreality bubble of their own making ( as the Black comedian said, “white people problems” ). 

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  1. The only interesting thing about Goodbye World was how baffled I was that people who did such a great job of preparing for a collapse (off grid home, isolated, food production) could be so far off in their behavior of how to actually survive during a collapse. The people don't pull together as a group, instead they do things to really piss each other off or get caught up in petty interpersonal BS. They misplay just about every issue that comes up (e.g., disarm the one guy who thought to bring a firearm along on the way to his friend's place, then have to cowtow to the rogue soldiers and others who show up with weapons). I kept waiting for the people to do something that made sense, but the film ended before that ever happened.

    1. I didn't have a hard time relating to the off-grid, non-preppers. I'd imagine a LOT of Backwoods Home Mag readers would fit into that world they are so far removed from reality. It was unrealistic they ever made it ( and what a couple of morons, heading off by motorcycle without plan or supplies ), but it didn't make the movie by itself bad. Just a bad survivalist movie.

  2. Your scenario of a firefight at 40 -60 yards in what sounds like open terrain (around an apartment complex) sounds iffy for a bolt actions firing speed time. Your getting into the zone where the high degree of target angle movement relative to the shooter, is going to make clean hits difficult and closing distance/speed is going to mean you may only get a 5 seconds to shoot in if they close.

    Yes, I would take the bolt action over the pistols (although I think with my 10mm with 14 round cap it is getting close to a 50/50 proposition), but it is the very situation where machine pistols/SMGs, and light carbines (M1) came to be so popular in WW2. On the Eastern front, the Germans preferred to use the Russian SMG (PPSh-41w. 7.62x25 ammo) over their bolt action rifles. In cases I am familiar with, it was often the squad leaders (most aggressive, good shots under pressure) who were given preference for carrying them, and it was likely this "reality" that lead the Germans to design and provide their new assault rifles (Stg 44 w. 7.92x33): an assault rifle with more than a few similarities to the later AK-47.

    Bolt actions as survival weapons makes a lot of sense as gp firearm. When you start getting into warlike mayhem though, it is foolish to think of them as a superior weapon, as opposed to an available one. Your survivalists should have been in fighting retreat mode as soon as they saw the bad guys. And the bad guys aren't going to behave like Orcs, and stick around when they are faced with long arms either.

    1. I'm not disagreeing with you. You might be able to tell I pushed the writing schedule too long that day and was exhausted by the end ( I wrote the whole thing one sitting ). Even if the Wiggers were total firearm idiots, which they probably are, they'd have some success. I should have had the guys bring the 5-0 semi's. I might rewrite, or just leave it as a badge of dishonor. Spot on with the last sentence. Should have known better, hating all the crappy stories out there.

    2. I just took it to mean during the long discussion the hero's were opening up the distance between them and the wiggers who were still busily discussing how they were going to divide the spoils to what the wiggers thought was a done deal. Two old guys with ancient looking rifles aren't intimidating to an arrogant teen raised in the Glock loving culture (I love Glocks myself, but they are a backup to long arms every time). Under fire, the inexperienced thugs would have a heck of time hitting anything at even medium range. I would expect several would have hid/run off, once their group took the first injury.

    3. Thanks. Russell has a valid point, but I appreciate your input from another POV.

  3. love your fiction writing
    found some good deals on cold weather wool clothes at these 2 sites scope them out i wear the boot liner as a indoor house shoe wen it gets cold as the floor is always colder then the air


    1. I'll check those out, thanks. On the fiction, I love that a few of my minions are loyal, and you-all have inspired me to go this far with it. Yet, as always, it is a struggle and I still don't know if I'll continue much more.