“I thought I liked big butts.”
“Well, yes, your freak of nature desire for large cellulite rippled buttocks is disturbing to any sane male, but I’ll admit the attraction is derivative.”
“So, what’s the answer to your socially awkward question inappropriately poised as our female acquaintances are mere yards away?”
“Hey, this is pretty darned appropriate given that our acquaintances directly have placed us in a dangerous position we so nonchalantly accept and respond to. And a fun filled fact knows no time limits. And don’t you think that our lives are pretty damn cool right now? Here we are like this is a Quentin Tarrantino film, the two dashing hero’s cracking wise as they face down imminent danger as if it were but an interlude to an interesting conversation?”
“Okay, now I get where your propensity to lighten dangerous situations with dialog comes from.”
“Natch. The Q Man did more to redeem Hollywood than all the PBS nature documentaries put together ever did.”
“PBS films in Hollywood?”
“Hollywood as shorthand for filmmaking, my good fellow. Now, pay attention. Due to very long periods of infant helplessness and the long periods requiring human young to fully program their developing minds, humans need monogamous pair bonding. Parental units must invest over a decade in each offspring, and in some cases that consists of up to half the lifetime of an adult. Also, species survival necessitates a very social being outside the family unit. Higher cognitive species are always very social, a lot of mental energy devoted to interaction of clan members. In order to attract and keep a couple together, sex is year long rather than linked to ovulation. In fact, female ovulation is rather well hidden from both genders, as if evolution was forcing this difference.
“Of course you’ve noticed that Pam is well endowed. Even Susan signals reproductive success if you ignore her after she gets up and tries to move around too much. Surely if I’ve noted this, so have our friends over here.”
“Which our female companions have undoubtedly noticed far quicker than you, being the target of such dangerous attraction. Let’s face it, brother, male reproductive urges are rather straightforward. With a brain that size, what do you expect? We just want to rut. It is the female who must expand most of the energy, biologically speaking, to keep the rutting confined to herself exclusively for the benefit of the raising of children. Calorie-wise, fat storage in the upper torso and continual sexual availability are small prices to pay. So, one must deal with males on this basis of DNA programmed mindless urges. You can’t rationally discuss with them why killing you and taking the gals is a bad idea. Only fear of losing the ability to reproduce is likely to work.”
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